State Lawmakers Dump Bitcoin Bills Like Yesterday’s Biscuits 🍪

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Pray, gather ’round and listen close, for Florida, that sunny land of oranges and senior discount buffets, hath flung aside its grand designs of storing the public treasury in the vaults of Dame Bitcoin. Two bills, aye, not one but a pair, would have let as much as a tenth of the state’s purse jingle with crypto—yet, on the blessed day of May 3, with the legislature’s curtain call, these dreams did take their final bow. 🎭

Neither bill braved the perilous stage of floor debate. Instead, they slunk away, “indefinitely postponed and withdrawn from consideration,” which in politics means, “We’d rather wrestle an alligator than take this vote.”

Crypto Bills: Fallen Faster Than a Nobleman’s Morals

This Floridian debacle struts in the footsteps of seven fellow states—Arizona, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Montana, North Dakota, Pennsylvania, and Wyoming—all of whom have briskly thrown out the notion of Bitcoin reserves like last week’s fashion. Truly, it’s a parade of “No, thank you,” across the land.

Some forays nearly tasted sweet victory! In Arizona, a bill performed such a dance that both House and Senate clapped along, only for Governor Katie Hobbs to slam the door. Her message said state retirement coffers shouldn’t gamble on “unproven assets.” Translation: “Do I look like I store my life savings under my nephew’s mattress?” 🛏️

Theatre of the Absurd: Lawmakers’ Votes on Crypto

Across the states, the voting records on Bitcoin reserves are as unified as a troupe of actors reading from different scripts. Oklahoma‘s bill sashayed through one committee (cheers and claps), but tripped and fell in the Senate, defeated 6-5. Senator Christi Gillespie switched sides after receiving messages from her people, but even the power of people threatening to “move to Texas” didn’t tip the scale.

South Dakota: Nine against, three for—it wasn’t even close. In Montana, noble House Bill 429, hailed as a masterstroke in risk diversification, perished, 59-41. North Dakota’s bill was left in the cold, 57 to 32. Wyoming’s brave effort? Well, one hero voted for, the rest said, “Hard pass.” As for Pennsylvania, the bill was so lackluster it didn’t even earn a date before the committee. 

Most State Bitcoin Bills Now Dead Or Stalled (like a carriage in winter mud)

Oh, what a twist of fate! Not long past, these halls bustled with over 45 Bitcoin reserve bills in two dozen states. Now, the ledger—if one trusts the Bitcoin Laws oracle—claims a piddling 36 active bills in 19 states. Truly, ambition and reality have never been close acquaintances.

Utah, once the prodigy of this crypto chorus, has hacked its own script, removing all lines about digital assets from the final act. The treasurer, eyes once agleam with visions of blockchain glory, is now left with statements as bland as week-old baguette.

Arizona yet hath two chances to secure the title of “First to Bitcoin Reserve.”

The favorite (HB 2749), penned by @JeffWeninger, spins dreams of funding the reserve with lost-and-found loot—a truly poetic notion. @EleanorTerrett

— Dennis Porter (@Dennis_Porter_) May 5, 2025

Where Doth Hope Remain? All Eyes on Texas and New Hampshire

Elsewhere, clever lawyers shift tactics: Arizona crafts a separate bill aiming for mere Bitcoin custody, hoping the governor will prefer babysitting the gold rather than spending it. Only Texas and New Hampshire now appear poised to see their Bitcoin fantasies endure another legislative season. 

So ends our comedy (or is it a tragedy?), with Bitcoin—proud, digital, and very misunderstood—waiting in the wings. 🍿

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2025-05-07 09:27