South Korea’s New President Promises Crypto Heaven & Workweek Freedom!

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South Korea’s New President Swears to Make Crypto Great Again! 🚀🔒

In a twist worthy of a Bulgakov novel, South Korea’s opposition leader Lee Jae-myung has ascended to the throne, or at least the presidential office, after a theatrical snap election. Campaigns included promises of crypto utopia, as if Satoshi himself were whispering sweet nothings into voters’ ears. 🎭

Lee, who staged his victory amidst the chaos of martial law declared six months prior by the outgoing Yoon Suk-yeol—think of it as political improv with a dash of madness—claimed a dramatic win, with nearly half the nation’s ballots falling into his lap. Victory was so sweet, even Bitcoin’s price seemed to wink knowingly. 💰

According to the National Election Commission, with 99% of votes tallied on June 4, the center-left Democratic Party’s Lee amassed over 49%, outpacing the conservative Kim Moon-soo’s 41%. Almost 80% of South Korea’s 44.4 million voters, possibly hypnotized by the spectacle, cast their ballots—a turnout unseen since the dawn of the digital age, or so it seems. 📊

Dennis Porter of the Satoshi Action Fund, who was parading through Seoul on election day, called this turnout “wild,” which is polite speak for “we’re all riding the crypto rollercoaster now.” Lee’s promises include letting South Korea’s colossal $884 billion pension fund gamble on Bitcoin and launching the holy grail: Bitcoin ETFs. Yes, the same funds that probably thought “blockchain” was a type of salad dressing. 🥗

He also dreams of a Korean Won-backed stablecoin, aimed at stopping the country’s wealth from sneakily escaping overseas—like a digital escape artist. “We need a won-backed stablecoin,” he declared in a speech, sounding like a man who just discovered money doesn’t grow on trees but can be tokenized. 💸

Meanwhile, Kim, his rival, pledged to make crypto regulations more friendly—a campaign of “less rules, more coins.” The Bitcoin price in South Korea spiked to 149,000 won (about $108,480), with the “kimchi premium” making it seem like Bitcoin was secretly plotting a takeover. Traders on Bithumb and Upbit traded almost 2% above global prices, because why not? 🎢

Lee’s Bucket List Includes Turning South Korea Into the Crypto Promised Land!

Amidst economic woes, tariff tiffs with the US, and regional tensions that seem only slightly less chaotic than a Bulgakov plot, Lee promised to pull the nation’s economy out of the swamp. His plans include boosting AI, defense, and… the end of military coups—because who needs spoilers? 💥

He vows to depoliticize the prosecution system and introduce a progressive four-and-a-half-day workweek, proving once again that bureaucrats can stay flexible—if only to find more time for crypto trade conspiracies. The future is uncertain, but one thing’s for certain: South Korea is now officially riding a rollercoaster built on blockchain and bold promises. 🎢

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2025-06-04 13:32