As a seasoned observer of the chaotic world of espionage and undercover operations, I must say that this ensemble is as unpredictable as they come! Let me share my thoughts on some of these characters:
In simpler terms, the Slow Horses Incompetence Index measures who among the TV show characters is struggling most with their job and personal life after this week’s episode. It’s an intriguing scenario because each character on the show has their unique way of being a human catastrophe, making it entertaining to watch.
It’s rather unusual that we’re only two episodes into the six-episode season, yet we’ve already witnessed a suicide bombing, a suspected cover-up by British intelligence, and an entire nation on high alert. Amidst all this chaos, what I find myself most concerned about is the mystery of who attempted to harm River’s grandfather.
The reasons behind this situation are primarily connected to the characters we empathize with and the actions that advance the storyline. It’s not that David Cartwright is just an ordinary civilian; he’s a former spy, and it appears that those who (allegedly, as River suggests) drugged him and intended to drown him in his bathtub have motives related to espionage. Moreover, it seems there are other names on their list as well. This certainly adds an intriguing layer to the story.
Yet once more, I find myself overlooking the explosive incident in London, where the culprit’s identity was established years ago by MI5. Moreover, it’s been unveiled that Diana Taverner, no stranger to foiled plans and deception, is making every effort to conceal this matter against her inept superior’s desires. In a series titled Slow Horses, events seem to be unfolding at an astonishing pace.
Instead, let me clarify our upcoming focus: Each week until the end of the season, we’ll be evaluating and ranking the individuals involved based on their ineffectiveness or incompetence when dealing with various situations. If River manages to rank below the top three, I promise to eat an entire tire – no ketchup, mustard, or any other condiments allowed.
Here we go …
Unranked
UNRANKED: Coe’s true nature remains unclear, other than his habitual silence and finger tapping, which seemed significant when it abruptly stopped towards the end of the episode; Emma Flyte hasn’t been given enough tasks yet for me to gauge her competence; Moira, the office manager, intrigued me with her actions that pushed Jackson into a quest to restore her reputation, possibly leading to her dismissal; Giti Rahman, who smiles and shares potentially dangerous information with Diana, doesn’t seem to last long on this show; I, for one, suspect there will come a time when I recall characters addressing Diana as “ma’am” instead of “mom,” but that day has not yet arrived; David Cartwright’s problems appear to stem from age-related cognitive decline rather than incompetence, but I still sense he is involved in something; the various French baristas who seem knowledgeable about local geography should be approached with caution.
10.
Diana
The crux of Diana’s predicament lies not in ineptitude but rather an overabundance of proficiency, which carries its own set of hazards. Despite her intricate machinations during the previous season, she was overlooked for the top position and now finds herself observing a clueless novice stumble through what she believed to be her domain. Her rage, pain, and frustration have reached boiling points, causing her to become excessively entangled in matters she ought to relinquish. She can’t seem to resist, ever. As these simple-minded men race up the corporate ladder past her, she sighs, attempts to move on, but then – oops! – there she is, deceiving them into endorsing documents that incriminate them in a conspiracy she’s concealing to shield those who initially orchestrated it. It’s an issue. A skilled psychotherapist would have ample material for numerous sessions if they could manage to avoid being manipulated within the first 20 minutes of their initial encounter, which proved to be impossible.
Again, she can’t help herself. It’s all very classic Diana.
9.
Jackson
It’s worth noting that Jackson Lamb holds a deep affection for the work he does, despite his frequent displays of skepticism and irritability. For instance, consider River, one of his most naive and kind-hearted staff members with a knack for mishandling simple jobs. Currently, River is on a lone mission to France, having fabricated a bathtub murder as cover. One might expect this situation, given River’s past actions and statements, to worry or exhaust Jackson. However, pay attention to his enthusiasm about the whole affair. Notice how he meticulously arranges chess pieces in his mind, almost as if savoring the chaos. It seems that he thrives on such disorder.
8.
Roddy
I appreciate that Jackson seems to be routing all his office communications through Roddy, using coded text messages. I find this situation appealing for several reasons – like Roddy’s consistent misunderstanding of these messages, his overinflated ego, and so on – but primarily because occasionally these texts cause other Slough House members to mistakenly believe their coworker has passed away, thinking Roddy had received a message about it and quickly took control of the computer of the person who is very much alive.
Jackson seems to relish disorder, and he can send messages to anyone in the office or nobody at all. I suspect he enjoys texting Roddy specifically because it offers the greatest possibility of creating mayhem.
7.
Louisa
It seems that Louisa is about to make a reckless decision soon, my intuition tells me so. She’s been on an emotional roller coaster, first believing she had River killed by sending him to his grandfather’s house, then discovering he’s alive in France and likely in deep trouble because, as we all know, he’s just like River. I find it surprising that she hasn’t rushed to France already. Despite being told not to interfere at the moment and clearly lacking the knowledge to assist effectively, Louisa’s history suggests she won’t let these instructions deter her.
There’s a side of me yearning for the continuation of their story, with them raising two mischievous, charming tots who, much like their parents, seem to find trouble wherever they go – especially at daycare. I’d be all in for such a spinoff! How about we name it “Slow Paws“, and kick off production right away?
6.
Adam Lockhead
It’s not impressive that this man struggled to disguise himself as River, who is the least intelligent among a group of poorly bright individuals, for just five minutes, as he nearly got his face destroyed in a bath bomb explosion caused by an elderly person.
5.
Catherine
Two things worth noting here …
It hardly came as a surprise that Catherine revealed River’s deception within just ten minutes, given her character as a sympathetic individual who often found herself out of her depth amidst the sharks on the show.
Two: It speaks volumes about River that he staged his own death, embarked on an impromptu, daring undercover journey across Europe to uncover who is attempting to harm his grandfather. The first person he confided this sensitive information was the woman I referred to as “the goldfish in the shark tank.
I love her. I can’t wait for Jackson to get rid of Moira and hire Catherine back.
4.
Marcus
A gambling addiction is serious business that makes otherwise rational people behave irrationally. But even knowing all that, it’s wild to watch Marcus sit there and try to justify how he ended up $10,000 in debt despite the whole “betting paper clips on how long colleagues can withstand waterboarding as a time-killing form of office-related methadone” thing we saw in the season premiere. He’s an adrenaline junkie who needs the action, whether it’s putting sums of money he can’t afford on games of chance or running into a firefight with an automatic weapon. The latter does make for better television, at least.
3.
Shirley
I think I’d empathize more with Shirley in this situation, given that she’s trying to assist a friend with addiction problems and feels slightly betrayed and taken aback because he deceived her about it, if we didn’t know that she is essentially a human lie detector whose profession involves reading people and anticipating their actions.
She’s certainly demonstrating friendship in this situation, and she seems to be doing the best she can in that regard. However, the fact that she was deceived by someone she worked with closely raises questions about her professional acumen.
2.
River
A more fitting scenario for River Cartwright might be, “River finds himself in an extraordinarily perilous predicament when he leaps into a car with an unfamiliar man who rescued him from a perilous trap, where he narrowly escaped being stabbed to death during a house fire. In an unexpected turn of events, this stranger knocks River unconscious with the butt of his gun and speeds away as the building is engulfed in flames, all while the credits start rolling.
He’s a sweet boy. I have no clue how he has survived three-plus seasons of this show. My working theory is that we’ll eventually discover he is invincible and this has actually been a show about a man who never knew he had a superpower.
1.
Claude
I never anticipated a scenario where someone would be positioned higher than River on this list, but then this individual unwittingly found himself entangled in a conspiracy. This happened when he hasty signed a pile of documents that were presented to him without much scrutiny – the same woman who masterminded a complex and violent coup to overthrow her predecessor was the one pushing these papers.
I mean, come on, Claude.
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2024-09-11 17:54