Senators Flip the Table on Stablecoin Bill—You Won’t Believe What Happens Next! 😲🐟

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To walk the halls of power in Washington is to know the weight of a thousand unspoken bargains, each one sweating in a dusty wool suit. And this spring, in the shadowed rooms where the senators gather, a huddle of Democrats—generally friendly toward the mysterious ways of crypto—decided to pull a mule-stubborn halt on a bill they once liked more than Sunday breakfast. The bill was about stablecoins, or as folks outside D.C. might call them, “magic internet beans that don’t jiggle in price.”

As it turns out, these Democrats found the Republican-led bill, which Politico said could set the first-ever US ground rules for stablecoins, to be about as sturdy as an outhouse in a cyclone. On May 3, they made it nice and official with a joint statement: “The bill is still full of holes—like Swiss cheese left in the sun. Don’t ask us to vote on this thing unless you patch it up.”

If you’re scratching your head, you’re not alone. Senators Ruben Gallego, Mark Warner, Lisa Blunt Rochester, and Andy Kim all signed the note. Not long ago, they were patting the bill on the back when it moseyed through the Senate Banking Committee back in March, but now they’re looking at it like you’d look at a suspiciously wobbly bridge.

The bill’s proper name—because in Washington everything gets a fancier name than it deserves—was the Guiding and Establishing National Innovation for US Stablecoins Act. They call it the GENIUS Act, proving once again that irony is alive and well in American politics. This piece of legislation was birthed by Senator Bill Hagerty, who probably now feels like a schoolteacher herding a bunch of cats.

Senate Prepares to Herd Cats—Err, Vote on Stablecoin Bill

Pretty soon, the Senate will shuffle in to vote, maybe next week, on whether stablecoins should be allowed to run loose under the big tent of US law. Crypto folks have been popping digital champagne over the bill, calling it historic (because everything in crypto is either historic or catastrophic—no middle ground). But the Democrats’ sudden cold feet show that even supposed allies can decide the water’s too chilly for a swim.

Some tweaks were made to the bill, a bit like patching a leaky rowboat while still in the river, but the nine Democrats felt these fixes were not quite the stuff of legend. More guardrails were demanded: tougher anti-money-laundering rules, tighter national security bits, and stern words for those who think “compliance” is just a suggestion.

The statement also bore the names of Raphael Warnock, Catherine Cortez Masto, Ben Ray Luján, John Hickenlooper, and Adam Schiff. All serious faces, except maybe Hickenlooper, who surely has the best name for a cowboy in this rodeo.

Notably missing: Senators Kirsten Gillibrand and Angela Alsobrooks, both co-sheriffs who once rode alongside Hagerty on this stablecoin drive. Maybe they were out fishing. Or maybe they just didn’t want to step in the mess.

Even while objecting, the Democrats made it clear their interest in “responsible” crypto laws hadn’t disappeared. They all but winked and nudged their Republican colleagues, saying, “Let’s keep working this over until it’s fit for polite company.”

Crypto Needs a Stablecoin Bill, Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle? 🚲🐟

Not everyone was sipping from the same mug. On April 27, Caitlin Long, who runs Custodia Bank, lobbed a few stones at the Federal Reserve—accusing it of quietly propping up big banks’ coins, while the small-fry stablecoins get left shivering outside. She pointed out that the Fed had gently rolled back a few crypto rules, but left a 2023 policy right where it was, cozy as a cat on a windowsill. This policy, just for the record, says banks can’t play with the crypto toys directly and stablecoins issued on public blockchains might as well be moon cheese.

Long says if Congress ever gets this stablecoin bill out the door, the Federal Reserve’s rule could finally get the boot. “Hurry up, already!” she all but shouted—echoing the collective impatience of anyone who’s ever tried to buy coffee with a stablecoin, only to end up paying cash.

So, the wheel of progress turns on, creaking and slow, banking on senators who change their minds faster than a jackrabbit in summer. One thing’s certain: in Washington, “stable” is just a word on a bill, and sometimes not even that.

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2025-05-04 11:28