SEC’s Hilarious Houdini Act: Haliey Welch Dodges Memecoin Misery! 🎭💸

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In a plot twist as unexpected as a cat at a dog show, the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has decided to close its investigation into the social media luminary, Haliey Welch, much to the delight of her legions of followers—who are probably still wondering where their virtual treasures went after the memecoin merry-go-round.

According to the illustrious scribes at TMZ (whose credibility rivals that of a high school gossip column), the agency has decided to wash its hands of Welch—the cheeky “Hawk Tuah” girl who catapulted into viral fame with a 2024 video that surely warrants an Oscar for best performance in a chaotic financial drama. No charges, no scandal, just a bright and shining exit into the crypto sunset.

This decision comes on the heels of dramatic accusations that followed the launch of her brainchild, the Hawk (HAWK) memecoin, back in December—a tempest in a teacup, as they say, when it spectacularly nosedived after a seemingly splendid rally that left investors gasping as if they had just witnessed a tragedy at the ballet.

Now, what is this charmingly devilish affair they call a rug pull, you ask? Ah, dear reader, picture this: the creators inflate their asset to dizzying heights—like a soufflé too proud of its rise—then swiftly sell off their treasures, causing the price to plummet like a lead balloon, leaving investors holding the bag with nothing but their regrets.

James Sallah, Welch’s lawyer and presumably her biggest cheerleader, declared (with a flair that could rival a stage actor),

“The SEC closed the investigation without making any findings against, or seeking any monetary sanctions from, Haliey. Because they did not bring any action against her, there are no restrictions on what she can do in regards to crypto or securities in the future.”

Moreover, whispers from the grapevine suggest that Welch has severed ties with the firm that birthed her coin, promising to no longer ascend the lofty heights of promotion or support for it moving forth. Back in December, she boldly stated her intention to play nice with the authorities, but as the curtain falls, one wonders if that commitment was more of a fleeting romance than a long-term engagement.

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2025-03-31 22:01