Robinhood Surprises Wall Street—Analysts Can’t Call It a Punchline Anymore

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If you had popped in to the Robinhood offices this quarter expecting to find young chaps in hoodies playing table tennis and investing pocket change in meme stocks, you would have gotten quite the shock. Q1 revenue shot up 50% compared to last year, reaching a sprightly $927 million—and net income did a grand double-flip to $336 million. You could practically hear the Board emitting a collective “What ho!” at the results.

The Robinhood number crunchers, never ones to let an absurdly strong quarter go to waste, saw EPS leap 106% compared to last year. Deposits came running in at a pace even a dotty rich aunt would envy: $18 billion, smashing the usual piggy bank. Also, let’s not forget Robinhood Gold. Subscriber numbers soared like a vintage balloon—up 90% to a tidy 3.2 million. Not bad for a so-called “fintech joke,” eh?

Apparently unsated by this buffet of good fortune, Robinhood kept launching new knickknacks for its eager clientele: AI-powered financial tools (possibly with less artificial idiocy than prior quarters) and a beefed-up prediction markets hub—one hopes it predicts less doom and more boom. In an inspired fit of acquisitive enthusiasm, they closed the TradePMR deal and are marching forward to nab Bitstamp, like a foxhound chasing the last sausage at the picnic. The buyback program, clearly having consumed a hearty breakfast, ballooned to $1.5 billion. That’s the sort of confidence last seen in Bertie Wooster before a village cricket match.

Analyst: Get the Last Laugh, Old Beans

Enter Mizuho analyst Dan Dolev, who strolled into a post-report CNBC interview practically waving a tiny flag in Robinhood’s honor. He called it “one of their best quarters on record,” which, given their history, is rather like saying Jeeves made the best cup of tea this morning. Funded accounts? All-time high. Revenue? Ditto. As for the stock price, it briefly did its best impression of a roller coaster, swooping down 4%, then clambering up to $48.64—presumably pausing for breath and to tip its hat to onlookers. The analyst, sounding positively chipper, declared this an “opportunity for bargain hunters and those with nerves of steel.”

“They’re getting into Asia, they’re getting into Europe,” observed Dolev. “Product velocity is the best I’ve seen, especially with Robinhood Gold. Every quarter, something new—like rabbits from a magician’s hat. Soon, they won’t just be subject to the whims of volatility; they might out-dance it entirely. Well, jolly good for them!” 💃🕺

Robinhood, once the preferred punchline for one’s drier acquaintances, has gone and muscled into the $600 billion addressable market like a debutante elbowing her way to the front of the dance card. Even the well-heeled clients—the sort who’d never deign to touch anything less than a hand-stitched stock ticker—have been lured away from the likes of Schwab and Interactive Brokers. This is, apparently, the fintech equivalent of stealing the silverware while playing a jazz solo on the grand piano.

“Three years ago, Robinhood was seen as a joke for millennials,” Dolev continued. “Now, not only are they invited to the grownups’ table, they’re eyeing the main course—and their rivals are looking distinctly unamused by the prospect.” 😏

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2025-05-01 19:28