Key Schmey Highlights
- Roasbeef (yeah, that’s his name) whips up a gadget to save your Bitcoin from quantum boogeymen-no private keys needed!
- Say auf wiedersehen to the “emergency brake” that’d lock your coins in a digital dungeon. Nein, danke!
- Tests show it’s faster than a Mel Brooks one-liner. Quantum-safe wallets? It’s not just a dream, it’s a prototype!
Oh, the drama! Quantum computers-those mythical beasts of the future-are supposedly gunning for your Bitcoin. But fear not, dear crypto comrades, Olaoluwa “Roasbeef” Osuntokun (CTO at Lightning Labs, fancy!) has cooked up a prototype that’ll make quantum hackers cry into their algorithms.
You see, Bitcoin bigwigs were all, “Let’s hit the emergency brake!” But that’d lock wallets tighter than a Brooks comedy script. Roasbeef said, “Hold my beer,” and unveiled a tool that proves wallet ownership without spilling the private key beans.
In a hilarious April 8 post to the bitcoin-dev mailing list, he dropped this gem:
in the face of quantum adversary, a commonly discussed emergency soft fork for Bitcoin would be to disable the Taproot keyspend path (), effectively turning it into something that resembling BIP-360
assuming an existing precautionary soft-fork to add a pq…
– Olaoluwa Osuntokun (@roasbeef) April 8, 2026
Bitcoin’s encryption? It’s like a lockpick convention waiting for quantum locksmiths. But Roasbeef’s gadget? It’s the bouncer at the club, keeping your coins safe from Shor’s algorithm shenanigans.
Experts have been yelling about this for years. Quantum computers? Not here yet. But developers are sweating like a Brooks character in a heist scene. The emergency brake? More like the “lock-yourself-out-forever” button. Millions of wallets trapped? Fuhgeddaboutit!
How This Schtick Works
Roasbeef’s brainchild swaps digital signatures for a proof that links your wallet to its seed. No seed exposure, no quantum tears. On a fancy MacBook, it takes 55 seconds to generate-less time than a Brooks monologue-and verifies in two seconds. Proof file? 1.7 MB. That’s one chunky photo, folks.
This isn’t his first rodeo. At the Quantum Bitcoin Summit, he pitched post-quantum signatures smaller than a Brooks script. Classy!
here are the slides for my talk at the @PresidioBitcoin Quantum Bitcoin Summit:
TL;DR: I propose that sha2 param set(s) of SPHINCs+ (SLH-DSA/FIPS-205) tuned for smaller signatures (~3KB, smaller possible) be adopted in Bitcoin as PQC signature scheme
– Olaoluwa Osuntokun (@roasbeef) July 18, 2025
What’s Next? World Domination?
Don’t toss your old wallet just yet. This gizmo’s not ready for prime time. Needs more polish, less proof size, and faster generation. Post-quantum signatures? They’ll bloat transactions like a Brooks comedy budget. Choose wisely, Bitcoiners.
Polymarket traders? They’re betting 21% that BIP-360 will land by 2027. But Roasbeef’s prototype? It’s like a Brooks punchline-unexpected, hilarious, and solves the problem. Quantum threats? Pfft. Your coins are safe. For now.
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2026-04-09 16:37