Putin & Biden’s Nuclear Bitcoin Bonanza! 😱💰⚡

At Russia’s year-end State Council meeting on December 25th-because nothing says “festive cheer” like a bunch of bureaucrats plotting global domination-the official topic was “routine training.” Sure, Andrei, and I’m training to be a ballerina. 🩰

But according to Kommersant’s Andrei Kolesnikov (who probably has more sources than a black-market caviar dealer), the real scoop is that the U.S. and Russia are now discussing Bitcoin mining at the Zaporizhzhia Nuclear Power Plant (ZNPP). Because nothing screams “safe investment” like radioactive crypto! ☢️💰

President Vladimir Putin allegedly said the U.S. wants to turn ZNPP into a giant Bitcoin farm. That’s right-instead of nuclear war, we might get nuclear wealth. Or, you know, nuclear disaster. Potato, potahto. 🥔

Bitcoin Mining: Because War Was Too Last-Century

Forget electricity supply or military control-this plant could become the world’s most explosive bargaining chip. Literally. 💥

Turning a warzone into a crypto hub? That’s like opening a Starbucks in the middle of a hurricane. Bold move, guys. 🌪️☕

“Vladimir Putin asserted that the Russian side is still ready to make the concessions that he made in Anchorage. In other words, that ‘Donbas is ours.’”

Translation: “I’ll give you this radioactive lemon, but only if you let me keep the lemonade stand.” Classic Putin. 🍋

The ZNPP: A Power Plant That Doesn’t Power Anything

Russia’s had the plant since March 2022, but Ukrainian engineers-now forced to take Russian passports-are still running it. So, basically, it’s like a hostile corporate takeover where the old employees still do all the work. Sounds familiar. 🏢🔫

The U.S. wants a three-way split (33% each), Ukraine wants a 50-50 deal with America (and Russia can go cry in the corner), and meanwhile, the plant can’t even produce electricity. Six reactors shut down, diesel generators running-this is like trying to mine Bitcoin on a potato battery. 🥔🔋

Russia’s Crypto Plan: Because Why Not?

Russia’s rolling out a “tightly controlled” crypto system by 2026, where institutional investors get all the fun, and regular folks get a measly 300,000-ruble cap. By 2027, any rogue crypto activity will be treated like “illegal banking.” So, basically, Russia’s turning crypto into the new vodka-strictly regulated, but everyone still finds a way to get wasted. 🍸

Final Thoughts (Because We Ran Out of Jokes)

Putin’s “flexibility” is like a yoga instructor who only bends when it suits him. Namaste, Donbas. 🙏
Crypto mining in nuclear diplomacy? The 21st century is officially weirder than a Mel Brooks script. 🎬

2025-12-27 09:16

Bitcoin Mining: Because War Was Too Last-Century

The ZNPP: A Power Plant That Doesn’t Power Anything

Russia’s Crypto Plan: Because Why Not?

Final Thoughts (Because We Ran Out of Jokes)

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