As a seasoned film enthusiast with a soft spot for nostalgia and a hardened palate for cheesy rom-coms, I must admit that “Our Little Secret” left me feeling more like a lump of coal than mistletoe this holiday season. It’s not just the Netflix cookie-cutter vibe; it’s the way the script sacrificed basic human emotion to the altar of arcs and beats, making it feel like watching a movie made by a sentient Hallmark card.
I’m perfectly capable of enjoying a cheesy Lindsay Lohan Netflix rom-com. Last year, I liked “Irish Wish,” and got tweaked for it. (I stand by the affection.) But “Our Little Secret,” Lohan’s new Christmas rom-com, is crumpled tinsel of a different order. I’m tempted to say that it achieves full Netflix cookie-cutter. I cringed, I grimaced, I said “No!…,” I forced myself to stop looking at how much time there was left.
In every romantic comedy, there’s a plot device that serves as the obstacle preventing our leading couple from being together – often referred to as the reason keeping them apart. Unfortunately, “Our Little Secret” lacks this crucial element. Instead of setting up a conflict, an introductory animation reveals that Avery (played by Lohan) and Logan (Ian Harding) were childhood friends who fell in love. They remained close until 2014 when Avery moves to London for work, thus ending their relationship.
It seems odd to us, given how the movie portrayed them as soulmates, that if one of them gets a job in London, they wouldn’t have a conversation or make plans about their future together.
In a subtle manner, the movie implies that Avery’s career is a significant obstacle in her relationships, causing tension and potential breakups. During Logan’s romantic proposal at her farewell party, she reacts as if he had made an awkward blunder. This is because the story requires them to be separated and strained, with emotional authenticity taking a backseat to plot development. Hailey DeDominicis’ screenplay prioritizes narrative structure over genuine human feelings.
Fast forward to the current day, where the action truly kicks off. Avery and Logan have returned to their hometown; Avery is a building contractor while her profession remains somewhat ambiguous but described as high-powered, and Logan is likewise employed. They each have partners who are less than charming in a typical romantic comedy fashion. Avery’s partner, Cameron (Jon Rudnitsky), is a chatty cryptocurrency enthusiast, while Logan’s girlfriend, Cassie (Katie Baker), is a manipulative woman reminiscent of a Barbie doll princess. The twist comes when it is revealed that these unattractive partners are none other than siblings. As a result, Avery and Logan, after a decade apart, find themselves at the same lavish family Christmas gathering, overseen by a WASP matriarch from hell (Kristin Chenoweth), and they make a pact to hide their past relationship as the ex-perfect couple.
Remarkably, the AI-produced moviemaking has reached new heights, yet “Our Little Secret,” helmed by Stephen Herek previously known for “Mr. Holland’s Opus,” turns out to be an embarrassing spectacle. For instance, consider the scene where Avery, mistakenly under the influence of THC gummies, is compelled to deliver a church sermon. In her speech, she creatively blends the Nativity story with the lyrics from Kool and the Gang’s “Celebrate.” This unexpected fusion triggers Black choir members and the audience to join in the song, causing a chain reaction that leads everyone within the church to start singing it. On the cringe scale, this moment scores a staggering 9.2.
In this production, Avery and Logan are both trying to win over Erica, portrayed by Chenoweth with a rigid, control-freak air that borders on painful self-parody. Lindsay Lohan, clever and composed, keeps pace with the larger-than-life performances, while Ian Harding from “Pretty Little Liars,” equally sharp and dry, does the same. However, these two characters are so determined they lack humor; this is part of why their dynamic works. The storyline collects every character’s hidden secrets (an affair, a late-night drinking spree…and who ate all the cookies?), only to reveal them in a chaotic Christmas-themed finale. The whole thing is propelled by a cheerful yet overly enthusiastic holiday musical score.
I understand how a film like “Our Little Secret” operates – it’s clear that Netflix has reinvented the look of traditional cheesy movies. Watching this movie, you can see right through its flimsy plot devices and laugh at its silly moments, yet somehow all these elements come together to create an enjoyable experience. It’s like mainstream entertainment that’s been toned down into a sort of low-budget camp. It’s so bland it leaves you feeling content.
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2024-11-27 12:16