One Week, Five Billion Headlines: What’s the Deal?!

Weekly market action

Oh, wow, what a week. The markets? A bloodbath. Bitcoin below $80K? ETH down to $1,821? March 10 was like a day in crypto purgatory. And hey, remember the “Trump Bump”? Yeah, not bumping anymore. The new administration? They’re running around slapping tariffs on everything like they’re Oprah handing out cars. Recession fears? Clearly, the markets got the memo. Crypto didn’t even get a pity hug.

But you know what? Progress keeps marching on đŸ„ (even if the markets aren’t). BlackRock, the big kahuna, saw its BUIDL fund cross $1 billion. Yeah, *billion*. And tokenized treasuries? $4.2 billion. Not bad for some “digital whatnots,” huh? MoonPay decided to toss their hat into the stablecoin game. Why? Who knows, but they did it. Ripple’s busy winning licenses in the UAE like it’s collecting PokĂ©mon cards. OKX strutted into Europe with a license in hand. And Coinbase? They’re like that one diner that thought it was a good idea to stay open 24/7—now planning futures trading at all hours. Sure, who even sleeps anymore? We’ve got crypto to trade! đŸŒ™đŸ’€

Now, let’s talk regulation. The IRS “broker rule”? Overturned. Defi operators are probably high-fiving somewhere. Meanwhile, the Senate’s tinkering with this “GENIUS” stablecoin act, splitting regulation between state and federal governments. And they named it “GENIUS” — sure, no ego there. The bill will likely move forward, so stay tuned. Or don’t, it’s your time.

Oh, and guess who’s making crypto headlines? Of course, the Trumps. World Liberty Financial pulled off a $590 million token sale (but, of course, *only* for the fancy “accredited investors”). They’ve got Justin Sun on board, because why not? Also, a Trump family rep allegedly explored buying a stake in Binance.US. That’s not going to stir up any drama, right? 🚹

From Asia: Sam Reynolds is *deep* into the “GENIUS” act, where it’s basically state vs. federal for stablecoin rules. Coinbase decided to pop back into India after two years of uh… a “long coffee break”? Naturally, it sparked debates about India’s crypto future. Fingers crossed they don’t get kicked out again. đŸ€ž

Shaurya Malwa is apparently carrying the XRP team on his back with reports about Ripple and crypto market over-leveraging, where Hyperliquid lost $4 million. Four. Million. Dollars. Just… poof. Gone. Someone hit the leverage button a little *too* hard.

And then we’ve got Eric Trump tweeting crypto nonsense that has short-term traders biting their nails. Omkar Godbole called it early—he’s like the Nostradamus of bitcoin signals. Also, Tom Carreras came in hot with a Bitdeer mining machine exposĂ©. You didn’t think we’d forget about Singapore-based miners, did you? đŸȘ“

So that’s your week. Drowning in market drama, but hey, we’ve got headlines for everyone. Maybe next week won’t have that dumpster-fire energy. Or maybe it will. Either way, we’ll be here to type it all out for you. Oy vey. đŸ€·â€â™‚ïž

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2025-03-14 20:08