OMG! Crypto Heist! 😱💰

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Comrade, imagine this: thirteen million dollars, vanished like a dissident in the Gulag! A digital heist of epic proportions, a betrayal of trust more chilling than a Siberian winter. This wasn’t some clumsy fumble, no, this was a surgical strike against the very heart of the crypto-capitalist machine. A brazen act of… *financial liberation* perhaps? 😉

On the twenty-fifth of March, a chilling report emerged from PeckShield, that grim sentinel of the blockchain wasteland. Six thousand two hundred and sixty Ethereum – a king’s ransom, enough to buy a small island (or a very large dacha) – was spirited away. Thirteen million dollars, poof! Gone like tears in the rain. 😭

.@GMX_IO @MIM_Spell related contracts have been hacked for ~6,260 ETH (worth ~$13M)

— PeckShield Inc. (@peckshield) March 25, 2025

Jonezee, a GMX representative (presumably a man of impeccable Soviet-era breeding), attempted to downplay the whole affair. “Oh, it’s just a *minor* inconvenience,” he chirped, “a mere fleabite on the elephantine carcass of the decentralized exchange.” He assures us that the *core* contracts are safe. Sure, comrade, just like the core of the Soviet Union was safe right before it crumbled. 🙄

“To clarify, GMX contracts are not affected. It relates to Abracadabra/Spell’s cauldrons based on GMX V2’s GM pools. The contributors are currently looking into the cause, and I’d like to apologise wholeheartedly to anybody negatively affected. This is very unfortunate,” wrote Jonezee.

These “cauldrons,” it seems, are some sort of alchemical contraption where DeFi magic happens. It’s all very mysterious and complicated, like a particularly convoluted plot in a Dostoevsky novel. The stolen loot has been moved, shuffled around like prisoners in a transit camp, now spread across three addresses. The thieves, like ghosts, leave no trace. 👻

And this, my friends, isn’t even the first time Abracadabra has faced a security breach. In January 2024, their MIM stablecoin was exploited – another financial catastrophe, a testament to the inherent instability of this… *system*. It’s like a leaky bucket in a torrential downpour, isn’t it? 🪣💦

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2025-03-25 16:33