Jennifer Coolidge’s Minecraft Romance Is WILD

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Warning: SPOILERS for A Minecraft Movie are ahead!

Over the weekend, I watched “A Minecraft Movie” on HBO Max, having missed its chaotic theatrical debut earlier. To clarify, I’m not the intended audience for this film due to my age and limited knowledge about the video game series. However, having heard about the movie’s craziness and catching glimpses of it from trailers, I felt compelled to see it firsthand. It turned out that the most outrageous elements in this 2025 release weren’t related to Jack Black or Jason Momoa, but instead centered around Jennifer Coolidge’s subplot.

In simpler terms, let me clarify that in the movie “A Minecraft Movie,” both Steve (Black’s character known for “Lava Chicken”) and Garrett Garrison (portrayed by Jason Momoa), are not shy when it comes to wild moments. They are undoubtedly the main attraction of the film. However, as I watched this video game movie that has grossed nearly $1 billion globally, I was consistently surprised by the developments involving Jennifer Coolidge’s character, Marlene, who is the vice principal at the school Henry Hansen (played by Sebastian Hansen) attends. These surprises begin even before she encounters anything related to Minecraft, from her awkward conversations about her recently-ended marriage with Henry, to her uneasy flirting with Garrett.

Later on, Marlene crossed paths with Nitwit, a villager from the Overworld who stumbled into our world due to an unattended portal formed by the Orb of Dominance and Earth Crystal. In an unexpected turn of events, Marlene collides with Nitwit in her Jeep Grand Cherokee. Despite his peculiar features, such as a giant head, square nose, and difficulty forming coherent sentences, she remains unperturbed. Instead, she invites him out for dinner, and their connection ignites swiftly.

As Marlene discovered Nitwit to be more lively than her previous partner Clemente, and Nitwit occasionally arching his unibrow in a suggestive manner, I was amusingly taken aback by this blossoming relationship. The evening concluded with Marlene inviting Nitwit over for dessert (I certainly hope it’s the sweet kind), and I chuckled excessively when the server inquired if they were done, to which the vice principal replied.

No, I think he’s Swedish. But we’re done with our meal.

After the absurdity of the movie concludes, there’s an unexpected twist: In Marlene’s school office, Nitwit appears, dressed in a manner that screams upper-class American (WASP) and sounding remarkably like Matt Berry from “What We Do in the Shadows.” This conversation between Clemente and Nitwit takes place, and it turns out Marlene can now speak like a Villager. With their bond strengthened, Nitwit pops the question to Marlene, who promptly agrees. All this unfolded just as she was about to offer him a baguette. Honestly, I’m finding it all quite disconcerting.

It’s clear that the Minecraft Movie is primarily designed for fans of the video game, particularly those who have spent countless hours playing it. Given this, it was understandable that the humor would lean towards the eccentric, especially with Napoleon Dynamite’s Jared Hess at the helm. I had some inkling of what to anticipate due to Jack Black and Jason Momoa’s antics, as seen in the trailers. However, I had no notion about Jennifer Coolidge’s role in the movie before watching it, which left me quite surprised by her strange romance with one of the Overworld’s peculiar inhabitants. While I won’t say they haunt my dreams, I wouldn’t be shocked if that started happening.

A new Minecraft film is being made, and I’m almost certain that I’ll catch it at home, just as I did with the last one. However, instead of pondering over what might happen to Steve and Alex next, I find myself imagining a possible marriage between Marlene and Nitwit, and their potential offspring… but let’s not go there for now.

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2025-06-26 00:07