Gold Rush: Central Banks Hoard Gold as Dollar Dizzying Downward Spiral Spins Out of Control

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Central Banks Go Nuts for Gold in 2025: Is the Dollar Running Out of Juice? 🪙🚀

In a move that would make even the most seasoned treasure hunter raise an eyebrow, central banks are piling into gold like there’s no tomorrow—probably because there isn’t, at least not for the dollar. As global trust in the U.S. economy crumbles faster than a cookie in a toddler’s fist, the shiny metal is becoming the new Black Gold—minus the oil smell and the risk of an erupting volcano of debt.

De-Dollarization Sparks Fourth Year of Gold Frenzy—Because Why Not?

With the geopolitical soap opera escalating faster than a cat on a trampoline, countries are investing heavily in that old-world, no-politics-allowed metal: gold. According to Metals Focus reported on June 5, central banks plan to buy a hefty 1,000 metric tons of gold this year—more than enough to make King Midas look like an amateur. Sure, it’s a slight dip from the 1,086 tons they hoarded in 2024—probably because they ran out of shelves—but demand remains stubbornly high, like a cat insisting on sitting on your keyboard.

Metals Focus points out that this gold obsession is mostly driven by a desire to give the U.S. dollar a good old slap on the wrist. Mainly, central banks are jonesing for a currency with less political baggage—something shiny and apolitical that won’t turn into a giant paper crane the moment Uncle Sam fumbles the economic ball.

The drivers that have underpinned de-dollarisation in recent years remain firmly in place.

As the report cheekily notes, “President Trump’s latest stunt—publicly throwing a tantrum about Jerome Powell and his own fiscal mess—has done wonders for U.S. dollar confidence… if by ‘wonders’ you mean ‘sending it tumbling faster than a drunken unicyclist.'” Spiced up with geopolitical tension and a dash of bad management, the dollar is looking about as reliable as a chocolate teapot. Hence, gold steps into the limelight as the most politically neutral, least-liability-bearing shiny thing in the room. Think less “we trust you!” and more “do you want a shiny paperweight?”

And the price? Oh, just a casual 29% jump this year—enough to make even the most hardened investor feel like they’ve hit the jackpot. By April, gold’s record high hit $3,500 per ounce, because apparently, everyone agreed gold is the new ‘it’ thing, even if it’s just to make Uncle Sam sweat bullets. First quarter purchases stayed steady with previous years, with Poland, Azerbaijan, and China leading the parade. Iran’s also noticeably throwing gold into the pot—probably because they’re tired of Uncle Sam’s Uncle Sam-ing. Experts predict gold will average $3,210 an ounce in 2025—a swell of 35%, thanks to global economic jitters and people losing patience with trust-fund safe havens.

With everyone nervously eyeing the dollar’s dwindling global dominance—what with geopolitical chaos and fiscal sloppiness—famous folks like JPMorgan’s Jamie Dimon and Tesla’s Elon Musk are sounding the alarm. Coinbase’s Brian Armstrong even suggests that Bitcoin might be waiting in the wings, just itching to replace the dollar like a suspiciously well-behaved teenager waiting to run away. Meanwhile, alliances like BRICS and SCO are busy swapping trade in their own currencies, making sure Uncle Sam’s dollar doesn’t get to have all the fun (or all the power).

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2025-06-07 07:57