Let’s talk about Xapo Bank, Gibraltar’s answer to “How can we be more digitally progressive than that one weird cousin with too much crypto?” According to their press release—no relation to a real conversation with another human—Bitcoin trading at Xapo set a new record in early 2025. The kind of record your parents never mention, but are, presumably, proud of you for anyway. They’re boasting a 14.2% bump in trading activity, which, if you’re bad at math like me, is still better than what your savings account did last quarter.
The sudden enthusiasm? Apparently, people couldn’t shovel their Euros and USDC into Xapo fast enough when bitcoin did its best impression of a rollercoaster and plunged below $100,000 in February. BTC buy orders shot up to 50.7%. That’s right: folks got excited about a sale. Nothing gets the heart racing in Gibraltar like a volatile currency and the vague threat of recession.
Meanwhile, Euro deposits went up by 50%. Fear of the US dollar’s health—presumably brought on by watching too much cable news—sent people scurrying, like rats from a sinking ship, but with slightly more sophisticated spreadsheets. USDC deposits hiked as well, growing by a respectable 19.8%, which is the sort of growth you pin to your fridge and pretend you knew was coming all along.
But not everything goes up in crypto-land. USDT deposits tumbled by 13.4%, all thanks to Tether yanking their euro-backed stablecoin faster than I pull out of group chats about “exciting investment opportunities.”
Gadi Chait, who apparently is “Head of Investment” (nice work if you can get it), delivered the sort of bullish optimism that would make even your most annoying bitcoin friend blush. Sure, markets are bumpy, but don’t you dare stop believing! Xapo, he insists, remains “bitcoin-first,” like the academic overachiever who reminds you what curve-busting looks like every exam cycle.
So, Gibraltar’s little digital bank is out there living its best life, reassuring us all that if there’s ever a party in crypto trading, Xapo’s bringing the really weird snacks and at least three different kinds of fake money. 🚀💸
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2025-04-15 11:57