ETH to $4.8K?! Or Will It Just End Up in My Tamagotchi’s Digital Toilet?🚽

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So, Ethereum‘s having a bit of a “moment,” which is code for “it’s flopping around like a fish out of water.” But some optimists (read: people who haven’t learned from history) are saying it might rally to $4,000. Because, you know, technical indicators are flashing “promise.” I think my toaster is flashing promise too, but I’m not investing in that. 🍞

Ethereum Price To $4,800 Is In Play (Maybe? Don’t Quote Me)

Cryptocurrency analyst Javon Marks (who I’m sure has a very good reason for making these predictions, like needing to pay his rent) is predicting a rally! Apparently, according to his analysis on X (formerly Twitter, where all the best financial advice is given), Ethereum is trading outside of a descending trendline. Which, in crypto terms, is like saying it’s wearing a slightly different hat. 👒

Marks says if ETH stays above this magical trendline, we’re looking at $4,800. No timeline, though. Probably because even he doesn’t want to be held accountable. Standard Chartered (whoever THEY are) agrees, sort of, by 2025. So, you know, plenty of time to lose all your money. 💸

“With Ethereum still being well broken out of an older resisting trend the target at the $4811.71 level goes unchanged,” said Marks. (I think I need a nap.)😴

While Marks’ prediction is a “ray of hope” (more like a flickering birthday candle), ETH is facing an “uphill climb.” Basically, everything is pointing downwards. Yay!📉

Ethereum has hit a new 5-year low against Bitcoin. It’s like the Mean Girls of crypto, and Ethereum just spilled her drink on Regina George’s white gold hoops.💎 At this point, I’m pretty sure my grandma’s savings account is performing better.👵

Marks Says ETH Can Still Clinch $8,000 (LOL)

Okay, so if ETH somehow manages to dodge all the bullets and climb Mount Improbable, it could hit $8,000! This prediction is based on a 2020 pattern. Because, you know, the past always predicts the future. That’s why I’m still wearing leg warmers. 🕺

“With this target still in play, an over 200% uphill run to reach it can take place and with the extensive post-breakout action, a break above is possible, bring $8,557.68 into play,” said Marks. (I’m now accepting donations for my “Get Me Out of Crypto” fund.) 🙏

Bankless cofounder David Hoffman has a plan to save ETH: attract new users and stop policing behavior. So, basically, “let them eat cake!” 🎂

But let’s be real, Ethereum might be headed for a Nokia-style demise. Solana’s rising, and Ethereum is looking like that friend who peaked in high school. 😬 Good luck, ETH! You’ll need it!

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2025-04-13 22:50