Crypto's Forgotten Souls: Claim Your Loot Before It's Too Late! 🕰️

🚨 “Crypto’s Forgotten Souls: Claim Your Loot Before It’s Too Late! 🕰️” 🚨

Crypto’s Forgotten Souls: Claim Your Loot Before It’s Too Late! 🕰️

What to know, dear comrades, about the BlockFi debacle:

🕒️ The clock is ticking: claimants have until May 15 to reclaim their assets, or so says the company in a blogpost that’s surely been read by all… 🙄
🇺🇸 vs. 🌎: a whopping 97% of U.S. customers have already claimed their distributions, while a paltry 43% of non-U.S. customers have bothered to show up to the party 🎉

Oh, the humanity! Less than half of non-U.S. customers of the erstwhile cryptocurrency lending firm BlockFi have mustered the energy to claim their assets back, with the May 15 deadline looming like the specter of bankruptcy itself 👻. This, according to a blogpost that’s no doubt been devoured by the masses 🤣.

As the crypto world knows all too well, BlockFi filed for bankruptcy in November 2022, a casualty of the FTX contagion that spread like wildfire through the industry 🌪️. The firm subsequently emerged from bankruptcy, phoenix-like, and announced a plan in July 2024 to distribute 100% of the dollar value of customers’ claims at the time of the bankruptcy filing 🤑.

Now, the numbers: a respectable 97% of U.S. customers have claimed their distributions, while a lackluster 43% of non-U.S. customers have received theirs 🤔. One might attribute this disparity to the Byzantine process of arranging distributions for non-U.S. customers, which involved a thrilling game of jurisdictional ping-pong between the U.S. and Bermuda 🏸.

But fear not, dear non-U.S. customers! A possible explanation for this shortfall lies in the realm of phishing attacks 🚫. It seems some of you have been mistaking BlockFi Estate’s messages for spam 📧. The firm, in its infinite wisdom, has been working with security experts to reassure you of the legitimacy of these messages 🙌.

“BlockFi is doing all it can to make final distributions to all former customers,” the blogpost intones, with all the passion of a Soviet-era manifesto 📜. “Some customers may need to complete a ‘Know Your Customer’ identity verification process to receive their distributions. We strongly encourage all customers who have not received their distributions or finished this process to complete this process by May 15, 2025, lest ye face the consequences! ⏰”

And, as a delightful aside, U.S. and non-U.S. customers alike had to undergo this very same KYC process to use BlockFi in the first place 🙄. So, really, what’s the holdup, comrades? 🤷‍♂️ The verification process, a mere trifle requiring two forms of ID, takes a blistering ten minutes to complete 🕒️. Once done, reviewed, and approved, clients can expect to receive processed payments within a mere 45 days 📆.

And, as the bankruptcy code so ominously states, assets unclaimed by the May 15 deadline shall be shared among other unsecured creditors, because, as we all know, the capitalist machine waits for no one 🤑.

2025-04-02 14:03

What to know, dear comrades, about the BlockFi debacle:

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