Crypto Tsunami: Coinbase Drowns Estimates in Q4

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Epistles from the Cryptocurrency Front:

  • In a spectacle of digital alchemy, Coinbase conjured revenue beyond the dreams of analysts in the final quarter.
  • As if by magic, trading volume soared 185% from the prior year to a towering $439 billion—fit for a pyramid scheme. 🏛️
  • The stock, like a phoenix from the ashes, rose modestly post-market, having already soared 8.5% in the regular session—a prelude to the crypto symphony.

Coinbase (COIN), in a grand display of fiscal sorcery, exceeded the already ambitious estimates for the quarter, with a revenue leap of 138% year-over-year, all amidst the crypto bull’s feverish charge around the election of a certain Mr. Trump.

Our intrepid digital bazaar declared fourth quarter revenue of $2.27 billion, shattering the consensus of $1.84 billion and the prior quarter’s $1.26 billion—like a hammer to a crypto-nail. 💰

Adjusted earnings, a tidy sum of $1.3 billion, outshone the consensus of $906.9 million—proof that in the cryptoverse, the sky is not the limit.

Trading volume in the quarter was a gaudy $439 billion, up 185% from the previous year’s level. Transaction revenue of $1.56 billion was a 194% leap year-over-year—crypto’s answer to the moon landing. 🚀

“In the hallowed halls of U.S. elections, crypto’s clarion call was heard, and the specter of regulation that haunted our realm is now in retreat,” proclaimed CEO Brian Armstrong in his missive to the faithful. “In 2025, we aim to mint revenue, to harness utility, and to expand our digital dominion.”

The Coinbase stock, like a well-behaved cryptocurrency, rose but modestly in after-hours trading, having already enjoyed a 8.5% surge during the day—a crypto fairy tale come true.

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2025-02-14 00:27