Crypto Traders Lose Big as XRP Liquidates Millions—Guess Who’s Laughing?

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Would you look at this? XRP traders just watched $18.8 million vanish in 24 hours. Poof! Like their kid’s college fund in Vegas, but with more acronyms. According to Coinglass, this wasn’t some tiny, polite liquidation—oh no, this was a full-blown liquidation party, and no one left with a gift bag.

XRP can’t seem to make up its mind—one minute it’s up, the next minute it’s down. It’s like Kramer trying to stick to a plan. And now? Sell-offs are everywhere. The market’s so jittery you’d think everyone drank six espressos and read the SEC’s bedtime stories.

Big swings are the norm; you love to see it, unless you’re the one getting thrown off the ride. Both long and short traders got the treatment—$9.8 million in shorts and $9.01 million in longs got wiped out. Symmetry! It’s almost poetic, if you’re into financial poetry, which, frankly, not enough people are.

Bybit: Leading the Charge (to the Bottom) with $7.25M Liquidated

Bybit apparently wanted the trophy—$7.28 million vaporized, ka-ching! Shorts? $2.58 million gone. Longs? $4.7 million. At least they’re fair. Binance tried to keep up, clocking in at $7.08 million. I hope someone got a toaster oven for their trouble.

But here’s the kicker—on Binance, 73.5% of those liquidated positions were shorts. Looks like everyone bet against XRP, and XRP said, “Forget you, pay me!” Meanwhile, OKX let the long traders enjoy the pain—$2.8 million lopped off like a bad haircut.

And it wasn’t just the cool kids’ table. CoinEx, Gate.io, HTX, whoever—they all got in on the fun, losing over $100,000 each. It’s a liquidation buffet! Bitfinex and BitMEX even showed up for the appetizers, just so no one felt left out. How thoughtful.

XRP Liquidations: Evenly Split, Equally Tragic

Both sides tasted the agony—almost the same dollar figure blown away on longs and shorts. It’s proof that no one really knows what’s happening with XRP, but everyone’s confident they’re right anyway. Classic!

Binance’s majority shorts getting roasted suggests a quick price rally gave short sellers the old kick in the pants. Suddenly everyone’s scrambling to buy back their crypto like someone yelled “free sandwiches!” in Times Square. The buying pressure goes up—so does the price. Rinse, repeat, regret.

And while all this chaos unfolds, somewhere, investors and regulators are clutching their pearls, wishing they picked a hobby like stamp collecting. As if things weren’t messy enough, Ripple Labs and the SEC finally made up—legally speaking, anyway. Thursday’s report says they reached an agreement. Five years from now, someone’s gonna write a sitcom about this. Call me.

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2025-05-09 23:43