The crypto market is currently doing the cha-cha slide into a bear pit. Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), and their friends are trading so red, it’s like someone spilled a whole bottle of ketchup on a white shirt. Layer2 tokens? They’re not just down-they’re in a full-blown emotional support group. Some dropped over 21%! 🙃📉
BTC just slipped below $90,000, a level that’s more psychological than my morning coffee habit. Now it’s clinging to $89,950 like it’s the last life raft on a sinking cruise ship. “Struggles to reclaim $90,000” sounds like a reality TV show, am I right? 🤯
ETH isn’t doing much better, trading at $3,025 after briefly flirting with $2,955. Solana (SOL) is down to $137, which is basically the crypto equivalent of a gas station coffee price. Dogecoin (DOGE) and Cardano (ADA)? They’re both throwing shade at your 401(k) if you’ve ever trusted a meme stock tip on a Tuesday night. 🚨💸
Over $450 Billion Wiped Out From Cryptocurrency Market
The crypto sector just had a $450 billion face-palm moment. Market cap is teetering above $3 trillion like a toddler on a unicycle. Experts say this dip is “flushing out leverage” and “fueling the next leg up.” Translation: “Hope for a rebound while crying into your sandwich.” 🥖😭
Some folks think we’re in bear territory now, citing technical breakdowns and institutional selling. If “tightening liquidity” means my wallet is tighter than my jeans post-holiday meal, then yes, we’re doomed. 🚫📈
Crypto ETPs Register Biggest Outflows Since February
Investors are hitting the eject button on crypto ETPs like it’s the last round of a dating app. Over $2 billion fled last week-because nothing says “confidence” like fleeing during a market meltdown. CoinShares says it’s all about “uncertainty around monetary policy” and whales selling their crypto like it’s last season’s H&M. 👜💸
Multi-asset ETPs are getting love now, probably because they’re the crypto version of a diversified portfolio. Or maybe people just want to stop watching their investments die alone. 🤷♂️
Bitcoin (BTC) Price Analysis
BTC is currently in a death spiral below $90,000 after a wild week that included a 5% drop on Friday. Tom Lee says buyers are just waiting for the Fed to cut rates in December. Spoiler: They won’t. But hey, “signs of exhaustion” mean we’re close to the bottom-or maybe just the bottom of our collective sanity. 🤪
“I think the good news is that there are signs of exhaustion. Tom Demar says a bottom could be this week.” – Translation: “We’re all guessing, but let’s put it in a fancy quote.”
Long-term holders are calling this a “generational opportunity,” which is code for “buy low, cry harder.” Matt Hougan says Bitcoin is the “canary in the coal mine” for risk assets. Congrats, canary. You’re dead. 🐦⚰️
“I think we’re nearing the bottom… it’s an exciting opportunity for people looking out a year or more.” – Because nothing says “exciting” like losing 30% of your net worth. 🚀🔥
BTC’s week was like a rollercoaster built by a toddler: $107k one day, $89k the next. Bear market conditions? More like bear market chaos. 🐻💥
Ethereum (ETH) Price Analysis
ETH briefly reclaimed $3,000, but it’s still trading like a broken toaster. Republic Technologies raised $100 million for an ETH treasury with “0% interest.” Sounds too good to be true… like a crypto ponzi scheme. 🤔
Exchange-held ETH is down to 11.96 million, which is supposedly bullish because “people are moving to self-custody.” Or maybe they’re just panicking and burying coins in their backyard. 🕳️
ETH’s week? A tragicomedy of errors. It hit $3,583, then $3,111. If this were a movie, it’d be titled “The Fall of the Gas Station.” 🚗⛽
Solana (SOL) Price Analysis
SOL is up 5% today, but it’s been a wild ride. CryptoQuant says whales are buying the dip. Great! Let’s hope they’re not the same whales who sold in October. 🐋
SOL’s week: $164 one day, $130 the next. It’s like watching your ex’s Instagram story-up and down without reason. 📉
Filecoin (FIL) Price Analysis
FIL started the weekend with a 78% surge, then fell to $1.964. If this were a movie, it’d be called “The Storage That Couldn’t.” 🗄️💔
Jupiter (JUP) Price Analysis
JUP is up 2.50% today after a 11% drop on Friday. It’s like the crypto version of a reality TV comeback special. Will it stick? Probably not. But hey, at least it’s not a 90% loss! 🎬
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2025-11-18 20:13