Crypto Kidnapping? This Guy’s Journey to Bitcoin Hell Will Blow Your Mind 😱💸

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Crypto Kidnapping? This Guy’s Journey to Bitcoin Hell Will Blow Your Mind 😱💸

So apparently, in a plot twist you’d never see coming, a Kentucky crypto guy thought kidnapping a tourist for his Bitcoin password was a good idea. Spoiler: it wasn’t. Because what better way to say “I love digital currency” than by torturing someone in a fancy Manhattan mansion? 🏙️🤷‍♀️

John Woeltz, age 37 — who apparently thought he was starring in his own version of “Bitcoin: The Kidnapping” — was arrested after allegedly holding a 28-year-old Italian tourist captive for nearly three weeks. Because nothing says ‘security’ like tying someone up and threatening their family over a few digital coins. 💰🔪

The poor guy had just arrived from Italy, probably dreaming of pizza and romance, but ended up in a real-life ‘Escape Room: Manhattan Edition’. Woeltz lured him with promises of returning stolen Bitcoin, then took him to a six-story luxury townhouse where the torture began. Think less “tourist jaunt” and more “how many ways can you shock a guy?” ⚡😬

Our crypto villain allegedly forced the victim to smoke cocaine, shocked him with wires, and threatened to kill his family unless he handed over his Bitcoin password. Yes, because nothing screams ‘fun weekend’ like a stairwell dangling. The guy ran outside, bloodied and shoeless, probably wishing he was anywhere else. Luckily, the traffic cop was on duty and saw more drama than a reality TV show. 🚓🚶‍♂️

Authorities found quite the stash at the mansion: cocaine, a saw, body armor, night vision goggles, and Polaroids of the victim looking like he was auditioning for an action movie. And the coup de grâce? An Apple AirTag tracking the poor guy, because even in kidnapping, this guy was a tech junkie. 📸🔍

Woeltz pleaded not guilty and is held without bail — probably because he owns a private jet and helicopter, making him the ultimate flight risk. Meanwhile, sources say (drumroll, please) that he and the victim had years of some sort of business relationship. Or maybe just Netflix and chill… but with less chill and more chill-elting. ✈️🙄

Neighbor Jennifer Crawford summed it up best: “I’ve seen a lot, but this is the most unusual thing I’ve seen in 30 years in this neighborhood.” Yeah, Jennifer, tell us something we didn’t see coming. Or want to see coming. Or ever want to hear about again. 🤯

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2025-05-26 23:50