Crypto Czar Sells Out Before Joining Trump: Coincidence or Conspiracy? 🤔💰

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In a twist that could only be described as “Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive,” David Sacks, the newly minted White House AI and Crypto Czar (because apparently, that’s a thing now), has confirmed that he sold off all his shiny digital coins before stepping into the grand circus of the Trump administration. 🎪

Among the glittering treasures he once possessed were Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), and Solana (SOL)—the holy trinity of crypto that makes tech bros weep with joy and accountants break into a cold sweat.

Sack’s Announcement

In a moment that could only be described as “not suspicious at all,” Sacks took to the magical realm of X (formerly known as Twitter, because rebranding is all the rage) to respond to a Financial Times article shared by the ever-curious George Hammond. “Correct,” he typed, “I sold all my cryptocurrency (including BTC, ETH, and SOL).” Well, that clears everything up, doesn’t it? 🙄

Now, while Sacks’s venture capital firm, Craft Ventures, continues to throw money at crypto startups like a drunken sailor on shore leave, he and his company decided to divest themselves of all digital assets faster than you can say “ethics review.” And yes, that’s a thing he’s currently undergoing—because who doesn’t love a good review of their ethics, right?

Craft Ventures, which Sacks established in the bustling metropolis of San Francisco in 2017, has launched four investment funds, the latest of which closed in November, raking in a staggering $712 million. According to their official website (which is definitely not a front for anything), they have stakes in Bitwise Asset Management, crypto custodian BitGo, and social media giants like Meta, Reddit, and X. Because why not?

In a stroke of genius, Sacks announced that President Trump will host the first-ever White House crypto summit on March 7. This event promises to gather the crème de la crème of the crypto world and members of the Working Group on Digital Assets—because nothing says “serious business” like a group of people discussing digital coins in the White House.

This illustrious group, chaired by our dear South African-born entrepreneur, is exploring the possibility of creating a national crypto stockpile. Yes, you heard that right—a stockpile! They’re also working on a regulatory framework for dollar-pegged stablecoins, which sounds about as stable as a one-legged chair in a windstorm.

On March 2, Trump announced that this proposed stockpile would include Bitcoin, Ethereum, Solana, Cardano (ADA), and Ripple (XRP), among others. Because if you’re going to hoard digital currency, you might as well go big or go home!

Promise Kept

After the President’s grand proclamation, Sacks, who was appointed to his new position in December (because timing is everything), declared he was “keeping his promise to make the U.S. the crypto capital of the world.” A noble goal, indeed, if only we could figure out what that actually means.

Eric Trump, Executive Vice President of the Trump Organization (and yes, that’s a real title), praised the move, calling it a “genius” strategy to announce a strategic reserve on a Sunday when traditional markets were closed. Because nothing says “we’re serious” like making big announcements when no one is watching!

He went on to highlight that retail investors had won for the first time, and crypto markets surged 12% in response. Most of the assets Trump mentioned as potential national reserve members were at the forefront of the rally, with ADA and XRP up 52% and 18%, respectively, at the time of going to press. So, if you’re keeping score at home, it looks like the crypto rollercoaster is still very much in operation! 🎢

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2025-03-03 23:18