Crypto Chaos: Trump’s Shitcoin Reserve Sparks Outrage and Laughter! 😂💰

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On the second day of March, in the year of our discontent, the illustrious Donald Trump, a man of many words and fewer principles, proclaimed the birth of a US crypto reserve. He declared it would “elevate this critical industry after years of corrupt attacks by the Biden administration.” Ah, the irony! A man who once claimed to be the savior of the nation now seeks to rescue it with digital tokens, as if they were the golden apples of the Hesperides.

With a flourish, he announced that this reserve would “obviously” include the venerable Bitcoin and Ethereum, but also the lesser-known XRP, SOL, and ADA. The market, like a dog chasing its tail, responded with a frenzy, sending these tokens soaring into the stratosphere. Who knew that a mere mention from a former president could ignite such fervor? Perhaps they should start a new reality show: “The Crypto Apprentice.”

But lo! The titans of the crypto industry, those self-proclaimed guardians of digital wealth, were quick to voice their opinions. Not all were enamored with the idea of including altcoins in this grand scheme.

Why The Shitcoins?

Brian Armstrong, the CEO of Coinbase, expressed his “excitement” to learn more, as if he were a child on Christmas morning, still forming an opinion on asset allocation. “Just Bitcoin would probably be the best option,” he mused, “the simplest and clearest story as the successor to gold.” Ah, the simplicity of it all! If only life were as uncomplicated as a market cap-weighted index of crypto assets.

“Just Bitcoin would probably be the best option – simplest and clear story as successor to gold. If folks wanted more variety, you could do a market cap-weighted index of crypto assets to keep it unbiased. But probably option #1 is easiest.”

Raoul Pal, the founder of Real Vision, nodded in agreement, suggesting that perhaps they would merely use an index of US-based crypto by market cap, plus BTC and ETH, allowing the market to decide. A noble thought, indeed! But one must wonder, will the market decide wisely, or will it be like a drunken sailor on shore leave?

Then came the Bitcoin maximalist, Samson Mow, lamenting the state of America. “It is a sad day for America if they actually shitcoin at a nation-state level,” he proclaimed, as if the very fabric of the nation were unraveling. “I can’t really say I’m surprised though, with Trump having launched a meme coin.” Ah, the tragedy of it all! A nation brought to its knees by the allure of digital folly.

Arthur Hayes, the founder of BitMEX, scoffed at the whole affair, declaring it “just words.” “Let me know when they get congressional approval to borrow money and or revalue the gold price higher,” he quipped. “Without that, they have no money to buy Bitcoin and shitcoins.” A fair point, indeed! But who needs logic when you have a good meme?

Trader and analyst “DonAlt” chimed in, warning of the risks that Trump might “fk this up.” He noted that the inclusion of “shitcoins” in the proposed strategic reserve could lead to a wild ride, with altcoins potentially gaining 3 to 4 times, or plummeting 25% if it all goes awry. Ah, the sweet taste of uncertainty!

I think the risk that Trump fucks this up and it gets shot down is quite present. But him including shitcoins in his proposed strategic reserve opens up the possibility for the alts he mentioned to at least 3-4x. If it fails, down 25%+ immediately if it goes through 3-4x. Gud odds.

Bitcoin Dominance Dumps

As the altcoins danced in delight, Bitcoin’s dominance began to wane, falling to just over 60%. The once-mighty BTC, now humbled, watched as XRP, SOL, and ADA basked in the glow of newfound glory. From a 4-year high of over 64%, it seemed the king had lost his crown, if only for a moment.

Yet, let us not forget, Trump’s crypto reserve remains shackled to the whims of Congressional voting, a distant dream still far from reality. In this grand theater of absurdity, one can only sit back, chuckle, and wonder: what will they think of next? Perhaps a national lottery for the best

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2025-03-03 10:45