Crypto Chaos at the IRS: You Won’t Believe Who’s Taking Over (and Who’s Fleeing)!

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Ah, the IRS—America’s very own House of Usher, where tax forms flutter like moths in the moonlight and crypto dreams go to die, or at least to be politely audited. Into this gothic menagerie waltzes Trish Turner—veteran, survivor, and, presumably, the last one to forget her umbrella at the IRS coat check—assuming command of its crypto unit after a hasty exodus by two private-sector co-conspirators. 🕵️‍♂️🦸‍♀️

Ms. Turner, who has spent more time within IRS walls than most prisoners with good behavior, ascends after Sulolit “Raj” Mukherjee and Seth Wilks—those gallant architects of the Digital Assets bureau—decided to shake off the government shackles after a year. Why did they leave? Well, like the most delicious parts of a tax return, it’s redacted for your protection. Mukherjee waved adieu in a quiet Bloomberg whisper; Wilks, meanwhile, preferred a slow-motion LinkedIn mic drop. 🎤

The IRS, in keeping with its tradition of passionate love affairs with completely comprehensible documents, has recently intensified its crusade against the myriad Pet Coins and Blockchain Dragons hiding under taxpayers’ mattresses. New broker rules have arrived, broader than Midwest accents, and about as welcome to crypto aficionados as a ransomware note from Aunt Janet.

Turner, having marinated at the IRS for over twenty years—seriously, she’s probably got a W-2 from the Clinton era—was last seen lurking as a “senior adviser” in the very office she now commands. Her coronation comes just as Trump’s shadow lengthens ominously over Washington, promising a possibly crypto-friendly era, or at least some new material for Twitter comedians. 🤦‍♂️

Meanwhile, in an act worthy of the finale of a reality show, over 23,000 IRS employees, faced with Another Trump, apparently raised their hands to opt out with the “deferred resignation” button, no doubt fantasizing about sunny beaches, quiet mountain retreats, or literally any job lacking the phrase “digital asset enforcement.” 🏝️

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2025-05-06 14:12