Coinbase’s Wall Street Plot Twist: Passive Funds Can’t Escape the Crypto Party 🤑

by

Coinbase dives headfirst into the S&P 500 hot tub, forcing index funds to awkwardly join them—just as Ark Invest, Cathie Wood, and early adopters sit poolside, sipping cocktails and grinning smugly. Crypto: officially not just for meme lords in basements anymore. 🍸

Ark Invest’s “We Told You So” Moment: Coinbase Edition

Cathie Wood, the sort of person who probably drinks her morning coffee with a side of disruption, decided to clarify Ark Invest’s stance on Coinbase (or as we can now call it, Wall Street’s new favorite crypto child) after its rather dramatic S&P 500 entrance. She made sure we all got the difference between ‘active’ and ‘index-sensitive’ managers—bless her, she tries.

“Well deserved recognition, Brian Armstrong and Coinbase!” Cathie gushed on X (formerly known as Twitter, formerly known as the home of all bad takes), then added with her usual on-the-nose subtlety:

While you probably agree that active managers should depend on fundamental research, not index providers, to screen for stocks, Ark Invest is pleased that index-sensitive managers will be compelled to consider COIN now.

Coinbase, for those who have somehow missed both the NFT craze and endless “wen moon?” tweets, is now officially the first and only crypto-native company in the S&P 500. In other words, passive index funds now have to buy Coinbase stock, whether they understand crypto or still think blockchain is some kind of Lego set for adults.

This is exactly the kind of moment Cathie’s been prepping for, shouting into the void about “innovation” while nerds on Twitter threw shade. Ark kept gobbling up COIN based on its own research while everyone else clutched pearls over volatility. Now, with Coinbase’s fancy new index status, Ark’s earlier bets look positively genius. Cue triumphant hair flips.

Coinbase’s S&P 500 announcement managed to trigger the kind of buying frenzy usually reserved for Black Friday TVs. Bernstein’s ever-helpful analysts estimated Coinbase could see up to $16 billion in new money because index funds literally can’t help themselves. Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong—clearly loving his lead role in this Wall Street rom-com—said: “Coinbase just became the first and only crypto company to join the S&P 500. This milestone represents what the true believers, from retail investors to institutional investors to our employees and partners, knew all along. Crypto is here to stay.” Boom. Mic drop. Brian out.

Who knew it would only take a little regulatory arm-twisting and a few billion in forced inflows for Wall Street to join the crypto Kool-Aid club? It’s official: the grown-ups have arrived at the party. 🎉

Read More

2025-05-14 06:10