Coinbase Catastrophe: Scammers Run Wild While Leadership Snoozes 😴💸

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Coinbase Catastrophe: Scammers Run Wild While Leadership Snoozes 😴💸

Coinbase Catastrophe: Scammers Run Wild While Leadership Snoozes 😴💸

For two months now, Coinbase users have been locked out of their accounts faster than you can say “risk model.” This troubling trend coincides with a wave of social engineering scams so audacious they’d make a Nigerian prince blush. 🚨

Enter ZachXBT, the on-chain Sherlock Holmes, who has pointed his accusatory magnifying glass straight at Coinbase’s leadership. According to him, they’re about as effective as a chocolate teapot when it comes to reporting theft, offering support, or reacting to crises. Meanwhile, rivals like Kraken and Binance are practically doing a victory lap around Coinbase’s flailing efforts. 🏃‍♂️💨

The $65 Million Heist 💰

In a plot twist worthy of a soap opera, ZachXBT and his sidekick, ‘tanuki42,’ revealed that at least $65 million was siphoned from Coinbase users between December 2024 and January 2025. And that’s just the damage they could confirm! The real number might be lurking in the shadows, like a yeti in a snowstorm. 🕵️‍♂️

The scams? Classic social engineering. Think spoofed phone numbers, fake emails, and attackers posing as Coinbase support. Victims are sweet-talked into transferring funds to “compromised” wallets or whitelisting addresses that scream “fraud” louder than a fire alarm. 🔥

One particularly gut-wrenching case involved a loss of $850,000—all swept into an address linked to over 25 other victims. ZachXBT blames the usual suspects from India and amateur cyber crooks hanging out in shady online forums. Meanwhile, Coinbase’s risk models are about as protective as a screen door on a submarine. 🚢💦

Leadership: The Real Villains? 😡

ZachXBT didn’t mince words when it came to Coinbase’s leadership, accusing them of treating security incidents like dirty laundry—quietly hidden away. Among the greatest hits? Old API keys for tax software getting compromised and a bug so absurd it let anyone send verification codes to random emails. (Yes, really.) 🧨

Need more? In 2023, $15.9 million was spirited away from Coinbase Commerce, and $38 million from the BTCTurk hack passed through Coinbase like a hot knife through butter. ZachXBT argues this isn’t just bad luck—it’s systemic failure, with theft-related addresses chilling in compliance tools for weeks before anyone at Coinbase even notices. 🕒

Customer support? Let’s just say you’d have better luck reaching Santa Claus on a random Tuesday. The lack of after-hours availability for a global platform is the cherry on this tragic sundae. 🍦

“Expecting elderly victims to understand email spoofing is like expecting a cat to do calculus. Coinbase needs to wake up before scammers take them for every penny—and then some.”

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2025-02-05 15:26