Cathie’s Coinbase Crusade Leaves Us Gasping

Oh look, Cathie Wood is at it again, splashing her funds around like a kid in a crypto-themed candy store. She’s just tossed another chunk of change into Coinbase (COIN) – because apparently, Coinbase stock is her new sock drawer where she hides all her spare millions. According to Cathiesark.com, she filed three buy orders on April 4th, totaling over $13 million (which sounds suspiciously like the cost of my midlife crisis, but with fewer Ferraris). This enthusiastic spree makes COIN the second-largest holding across her exchange-traded funds. Impressive, or just plain FOMO? You decide.

Our dear COIN is currently lingering at around $161, which is roughly 54% off its December 2024 peak. Bargain, or a recipe for further heartbreak? Naturally, Cathie is smiling serenely. In her latest video update, she prophesies that Bitcoin (BTC) shall soon outshine gold (I’m picturing Bitcoin glimmering in a tiara next to some very deflated gold bars). She insists the BTC-to-gold ratio still hasn’t broken its long-term uptrend, so let’s just say the crypto party wagon hasn’t run out of gas…yet.

“Gold has had a decent little run against Bitcoin. Bitcoin was the cool kid back in 2023 and 2024, but this year gold thought it could have a moment. Still, we figure Bitcoin will eventually out-monarch gold. It just refuses to break that uptrend line, a bit like my refusal to wear socks with holes in them.”

But don’t dance with all the cryptos in the floodlights just yet. Last month, our oracle of digital tokens warned that a swarm of “memecoins” would plummet to a glorious zero – probably dragging the gullible right down with them. She predicts millions of these memecoins could vanish, so it’s basically a piñata stuffed with worthless confetti.

“We’re expecting some torrential heartbreak for certain meme assets – think neon fireworks, but instead of fireworks, they’re more like wet sparklers. The SEC seems to be washing its hands of them, which means folks might learn the hard way. Meanwhile, the top dogs like Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Solana are blossoming with actual use cases, leaving memecoins awkwardly snoozing in the corner.”

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2025-04-07 15:02