Crypto News

Today’s market news: Cathie Wood & Co have once more loomed grandly over American stock markets, acquiring 210,714 shares of Robinhood Markets Inc., or as it’s known in the tabloids, “HOOD,” for the saucy sum of nearly $10 million. One almost expects the NASDAQ to stage a standing ovation, or perhaps a good old-fashioned fainting spell. According to a post by Ark Invest Daily (presumably delivered by gilded carrier pigeon), this acquisition could pass as a novel’s plot twist—sudden, opulent, faintly scandalous. 🧐

Right. So, picture this: South Korea’s five reigning kings of crypto—think less Game of Thrones, more Game of Drones—have just declared, with all the gravitas of Parliament shuttering a dodgy cheese shop, that WEMIX will be unceremoniously kicked to the curb on June 2. Shock (but not awe). Naturally, the poor token had a meltdown … Read more

Harrison, a venerable veteran of Cardano’s coded corridors since 2019, does not mean, perish the thought, a deficit of moon-boy promises or orgiastic price predictions; no, it is subtler, funnier, sadder. “We’ve built something real here, something principled…” he laments, emitting the sort of sigh one emits when gazing upon a freshly painted fence that nobody asked for. “But if no one knows what we’ve built, or why it matters, we’ve got a problem.” (🎩 Clap politely, ladies and gentlemen, for the invisible masterpiece!)

Now the whispers on Nevsky Prospekt (and the electronic backstreets) are abuzz: Will gawky, unpredictable BTC soon swagger back to $100,000, or will it trip and land on its backside in a puddle of old rubles and broken dreams?

Apparently, these government watchdogs have watched too many cautionary episodes of Deal or No Deal. Their latest concern? Brits might “borrow” a few quid, punt it all on crypto, and wind up repaying their loans with Monopoly money. Somewhere, there’s a dusty lesson about tulip mania, but nobody’s listening over the sound of Dogecoin memes.

Take wallet 0xDdb4, for instance. This is the kind of crypto user who brings a lunchbox to a board meeting. They borrowed $3.44 million in USDC from Aave. What did they do? Gamble it on Doge? Stake it all on a new layer-2 with a logo made in MS Paint? No. They calmly marched over to Uniswap (with possible side gigs at some Over-The-Counter venues), picked up 1,856 ETH, and didn’t even haggle. No wild “will-they-won’t-they” energy—just capital rotation, baby. Like opening a new jar of peanut butter: efficient and a little mysterious.

It wasn’t all just high-minded blockchain banter either. Attendees could snap selfies with camels (you know, because why not?), endure the chill of a five-minute ice plunge (a sure way to jumpstart your crypto portfolio), and zipline across the venue as if scaling the heights of Web3 glory. Each quest completed earned participants points, redeemable for merch or, more excitingly, tickets to TOKEN2049 Singapore and SuperAI. Ah, the perks of decentralization.

Now, hold your applause—Credible Crypto, that wise figure with 467,000 followers on the ever-so-cryptic social media platform X, declares that this astronomical rise in CRV’s value against Bitcoin is not just probable, but “only logical.” Who could argue with logic, especially when the math seems to defy all reason? 😏

And now there’s this *sudden* buying interest, like someone forgot Ethereum existed and now they can’t get enough. It’s almost like they just realized there’s some actual potential here. There’s also talk of on-chain indicators suggesting maybe—just maybe—a little bullish momentum ahead. Gasp. One of these indicators involves the amount of ETH chilling on exchanges. Oh, the drama.

But wait, plot twist: before this, there were TWO mysterious transactions, where 200 million XRP and 300 million XRP were launched out into the swirling unknown, like space pods fired from a mothership. And no, we don’t know where they went. Possibly to buy very large yachts or llamas, but details unconfirmed.