Steven Pu, the Taraxa Co-Founder and self-appointed buster of blockchain baloney, is fed up. While chatting with BeInCrypto, he revealed a slippery truth: tracking blockchain “performance” is like counting the number of golden tickets in a chocolate river. Most metrics are about as real as the three-course-meal-chewing gum.
In a letter dated May 1, Gooden boldly proposed this brilliant idea to Acting GSA Administrator Stephen Ehikian. The pitch? “Let’s show the public that we’re embracing innovation in a secure and responsible manner,” he said, as though crypto ATMs weren’t already a magnet for all kinds of digital mischief. 😏
Master analyst (and villainously named) Rekt Capital wagged his finger and declared, quite theatrically, that this isn’t merely a number rattling about a chart. Oh no. It’s a prelude to a much bigger feast where the big orange Bitcoin balloon floats all the way up to 71% of the whole crypto marketplace—enough to make those other altcoins weep in their tiny blockchains.
With $148.94 billion jingling around like kopecks in a babushka’s apron, Tether wants to foist yet another stablecoin upon the unsuspecting American market. During a deeply earnest (possibly caffeinated?) exchange at the Token2049 conference in Dubai—home of sand, marvels, and crypto fortunes—Ardoino let slip that the launch window opens at the mystical hour known as “year-end 2025”. Or maybe somewhat sooner, assuming Congress doesn’t nap through the whole thing.
Alas, dear reader, the date—May 2, 2025—has crypto-obsessives lighting candles and staring at candlestick charts. The ghosts of plaintiffs and defendants past hover as the Ripple-SEC squabble trudges on, refusing to die much like last year’s herring at a provincial banquet. XRP’s fate? Its value tied with so many legal knots, one would expect Ripple’s lawyers to be cross-eyed.
The general sentiment in the financial parlour is something on par with a ghost story told by candlelight: “Macroeconomic phantoms are at the wheel,” says Jiang, “steering us through uncertainties so dense even my tea leaves refused to reveal the ending.” The market, he notes, has not exactly been the belle of optimism’s ball. Though by the look of these ‘historically-low sentiment indicators,’ one would think even Eeyore was managing the books.
The term of the day is the golden cross—which sounds like either an overrated power-up in a video game or something you accidentally order at Starbucks. It happens when the very excitable 23-day moving average leaps over the slower, napping 200-day moving average. Charts everywhere go wild, and somewhere, a technical analyst allows himself a single, silent tear of joy.
It is, no doubt, a marvel—almost a comedy—why so many await XRP ETFs, as if the fate of civilization rested upon it. Some, with the innocence of peasants before a new plow, see these funds as the gentle hand that might lead cautious institutions into the wild pastures of altcoin investment, all neatly, without the perilous bother of buying XRP directly. Others imagine a surge of public frenzy, swelling XRP’s price to celestial heights to the smug delight of early acquirers. There is a childlike faith here, reminiscent of the way Russians once waited annually for the ice to break on the Volga: “Surely, this year the price will rise!” Perhaps. Or perhaps the ice will simply groan, crack a little, and remain stubbornly frozen.
But do not fret, dear gambler—Jemlit’s wheel of fortune is insultingly transparent. Every box provides an artful list of “possible” prizes, odds, and even rarity status, just so you can calculate your heartbreak with mathematical precision. In short: You know exactly how slim your odds are when you don your digital top hat and spin that wheel. 🦢
At precisely 16:00 UTC on May 2, STO began its grand debut on Binance’s spot market, available in a range of pairs, including USDT and BNB. The announcement, though somewhat formal, did mention that users who had the foresight to subscribe to Binance Coin (BNB) through Simple Earn products—be it the flexible or locked variety—or engaged in On-Chain Yield from April 27 to April 29, would be generously blessed with STO airdrops. A lovely token gift for their loyalty, one might say. 🎁