Bitcoin, that grumpy dragon hoarding digital treasure, is still the market’s “reserve asset.” But try using it to buy a sandwich without crying. Block times crawl slower than a bureaucrat on vacation, fees spike like a hypochondriac’s panic attack, and programmability? A patchwork quilt of duct tape and dreams. 🐉
For months, rollups were effectively throwing a crypto party in Ethereum’s data space, all without leaving a tip. But Fusaka, the great rescuer, steps in, raising the minimum blob price to something a little more in line with the actual cost of verifying data. A hefty increase? Hardly! Sure, the rise looks as though it’s jumped by millions (cue gasps of horror), but really, it’s just leveling the playing field. After all, when you’ve been paying peanuts for so long, even the smallest upgrade seems like a luxury!
An equally dramatic saga unfolds in a Floridian judicial theater, where the Third District Court of Appeal, graced on the 3rd of December by the stenographers of Bloomberg, has permitted the curious case against Binance to persist. The plot thickens as it is argued that Binance Holdings Inc., a creature of the distant shores, has laid sufficient infrastructural tendrils within the U.S. to make the courts of Miami-Dade County pulse with anticipation. 🤫
Ministers are reportedly gossiping about banning crypto gifts to parties like it’s 2008 and Bitcoin’s the new subprime mortgage. The Elections Bill? More like the “Let’s Panic About Digital Money” Bill. 💸
With PeerDAS now live (yes, that’s a thing), ETH has blown right past the $3,200 resistance zone. Traders are sitting on the edge of their seats, wondering if this thing can keep going, or if it’s just another crypto hype cycle. But who knows, right? 🤷♂️
For Nassim Eddequiouaq, CEO of Bastion, this is not merely a milestone-it is the resounding clac of a vision finally finding its shoe. For years, he has peddled the dream of regulated, enterprise-grade stablecoins that could outmaneuver a Parisian traffic jam at rush hour. Now, Sony Bank is his muse!
Per the indignant industry group, the broadcaster’s reportage leaned on a one-sided narrative, fixating on criminal shenanigans and price fluctuations while ignoring the more mundane, yet equally vital, applications of Bitcoin. “Surely,” they might have muttered, “a ledger system with such promise deserves more than to be painted as the digital equivalent of a banana skin!”
And what is the secret of this resilience, you ask? Why, it is the absurd dance of Tether, minting another 1 billion USDT on Tron’s stage, as if the network were a bottomless pit of confidence! 🎭 According to the wise scribes of Tronscan, shared by the ever-watchful Lookonchain, this mint has propelled Tron’s stablecoin market cap to dizzying heights, solidifying its role as the court jester of USDT circulation! 🤡
Crypto investors are pinning their hopes on this move, probably because they ran out of other excuses. “Liquidity inflows!” they shout, as if money is just going to magically materialize like a genie in a crypto bottle. 🧙♂️✨
IREN, that proud titan of bitcoin mining (because who doesn’t love a good digital gold rush), is offering a cool $1 billion of 0.25% notes due 2032, and another billion at 1% due 2033-each with a luscious 25% conversion premium, as if Wall Street feared not being the center of all things fabulous and clueless. The settlement, as per usual, is scheduled for Dec. 8-pending the usual parade of closing conditions and minor delays, or as investors like to call it, “the waiting game.”
