In a move that would make a quiet farmer consider trading in the market, Securitize has filed a public registration statement with the SEC and is wrapping itself up for a float on Nasdaq the way a barn is ready for a world‑fair. The plan is to merge with the black‑check, Cantor‑Fitzgerald‑backed CEPT.
On a fine Wednesday, Tesla Inc. revealed its unwavering stance on Bitcoin, despite the market’s cruel jesting. The company reported its digital assets had suffered a significant blow, yet remained at a staggering $1.008 billion as of the year’s end. Oh, what a tale of wealth and woe!
The timing, they declare with the fervor of a spurned suitor, is as suspicious as a sudden thaw in January. Blanche’s assets, reportedly fluctuating between $158,000 and $470,000 in the fickle world of Bitcoin and Ethereum, have raised eyebrows higher than a society matron at a scandalous ball. Did his purse strings pull the policy levers? The senators demand clarity, records, and a full accounting-a veritable audit of the soul.
Meanwhile, our dear cryptocurrency market is playing the role of a tragic hero, as major tokens are caught in the clutches of a persistent downtrend. Bitcoin (BTC), that once-mighty titan, flirted with the $90,000 mark like a shy suitor, only to retreat hastily to $87,677, leaving us all wondering if it was merely a mirage. Ethereum, not to be outdone, also took its turn in the spotlight, briefly crossing $3,000 before plummeting back into obscurity. Oh, the drama!
According to the ledger-keepers of the chain, the exchange netflow for SHIB has turned in a decisive direction, a statistic the data-wathers insist is a verdict: -33,217,400,000 SHIB as of Jan. 29. It is not triumph wearing a crown; it is a pause, a stubborn punctuation mark in a sentence written by machines for humans who pretend they understand what they are counting.
If you’re one of those long-term investors who actually pays attention to the fine print-bless your heart-the on-chain data is whisperin’ sweet nothings about a rise in high-value holders. Yes indeed, folks! Despite XRP’s struggles to climb back up to its former glory, wallets flaunting at least a million XRP have begun to sprout like dandelions after a rain. We’ve seen a net gain of 42 new millionaire wallets-now ain’t that a sight for sore eyes?
Now, the numbers don’t lie, though they occasionally fib through their teeth. The DXY, poor blighter, took a 9.4% tumble in 2025, its worst show since it last tripped over its own shoelaces eight years ago. And 2026? Well, it’s off to a ripping start, down 2.23% already. One can almost hear it muttering, “Carry on, mustn’t grumble.”
Dubbed “My Bank,” the new contraption is slated for a February debut, according to CEO Ben Zhou, who announced the offering during a Jan. 29 online keynote. If that calendar don’t bear false witness, we may be in for a sight that would tickle a man’s whiskers and empty his pockets at the same time.
At the last reckoning, the price stood at $88,218, a decrease of 1.2% in the past rotation of the Earth. It has momentarily retreated from the ephemeral support of short-term trends, all during this prolonged untangling. Over the past week, it’s been oscillating between $86,319 and $90,475, a rather unremarkable dance. A humbling 2% decline for the week, and a rather pointed 30% below the heights reached in the distant October of 2025, the peak of a brief, electric fever.
OpenAI rumors and mystery platforms ignite a flurry of activity. Because nothing says “trust” like unverified tech scandals and billion-dollar fantasies, right? Widgets (volume? Active addresses?) didn’t blink during the 800% volume spike. Spoiler: It was probably 3 bots arguing in a Zoom room. Santiment’s data confirms it-retail participation is about as exciting as a tax audit and a damp sock.