Crypto News

On November 7, PlanD took to the digital town square (X) to declare: “The $100,700 zone is key!” A bounce! A bottom! A fleeting romance with hope! Yet, like all great tragedies, the price might dip again, teasing bulls until they weep into their keyboards. But fear not-the 50-week EMA, a line drawn by the gods themselves, has been Bitcoin’s North Star since 2022. Each retest since 2024 has been a tango of suspense, ending in a price leap. How romantic. 💃

The charts! Oh, the charts. They’re like Rorschach tests for people who really, really want to spend all their money. Apparently, these red candles – the ones that make you question all your life choices – often lead to recoveries. Except, of course, when they don’t. Traders are being “cautious,” which is code for “actively covering their tracks.” They talk about “manipulative sweeps,” like this is a particularly messy kitchen floor, not a global financial instrument. It all feels a bit performative, honestly.

The Scroll of Bets Most Bizarre

At the heart of this scheme lies the 21Shares XRP Trust, a fund designed to mirror the price of XRP without the vulgarity of speculative trading or leverage. It will employ the CME CF XRP Dollar Reference Rate (New York Variant) to observe market prices and intends to list on the Cboe BZX Exchange. Quite refined, really.

Enter Cathie Wood, CEO of ARK Invest and a woman whose Bitcoin price projections have often been bolder than a lion on a caffeine high. Speaking on CNBC’s Squawk Box, she confessed to slashing her bullish Bitcoin price target by a paltry $300,000. The reason? The meteoric rise of stablecoins-yes, those annoyingly stable little creatures that everyone underestimated. Apparently, they’ve decided to snatch the role Bitcoin was supposed to dominate. How dare they?

A recent update to the Coinbase listing itinerary has had the crypto world buzzing like a bee in a glass of whiskey. The entry of Aster into the high stakes halls of modern DeFi promises trading in perpetuals the way honey promises an endless supply of good deeds to a child. And what’s more thrilling than a DEX taking aim at the good old Wall Street titans with its “perpetuals?”

On a Friday that will live in infamy or obscurity (history will judge), Bybit pondered the existential crisis of Bitwise’s BSOL and Grayscale’s GSOL-two ETFs that now grace the altar of regulated brokerage access alongside Bitcoin and Ethereum. A milestone, yes, but one that smells faintly of hubris. The report claimed this could “reshape its price trajectory and market structure for years to come.” How poetic, if only the market were a poet.

The markets, those great theaters of human folly, present a curious spectacle: stocks, serene as a summer pond; volatility, dormant as a hibernating bear; and Bitcoin, the enfant terrible, oddly subdued. McGlone, with a wink and a nod, labels this “extreme complacency,” a phrase that hangs in the air like a poorly timed punchline. 🤡📉

Mind you, BTC also had the good manners to wobble below $100,000 – scandalous! – and ETH, darling, well, it simply erased its entire year’s work. One must sympathize. It’s like showing up to a gala in last season’s couture. Unforgivable. 😬