Crypto News

Behold, the technical stars align! Ali Martinez, that sage of charts, proclaims a TD Sequential buy signal, as if the heavens themselves have declared, “Arise, PENGU, and waddle forth!” 📈 The structure, once a mess of indecision, now tightens like a corset on a Gogol character, hinting at a recovery as inevitable as a Russian winter. ❄️ As long as the price clings to $0.021 to $0.022 like a bureaucrat to his paperwork, the bulls may yet charge forward with renewed vigor. 🐂

His Majesty’s Revenue and Customs-yep, the very tax folks who’d tax your grandmother’s cat if they could-have cranked up their efforts to catch those pesky crypto tax evaders. They’ve decided that a mere whisper won’t do and sent out a staggering 65,000 “nudge” letters in the 2024-25 tax year, a number that dwarfs the previous year’s 27,700 like a circus elephant next to a tiny mouse.

Let me set the scene: the UpOnly podcast – crypto’s equivalent of that one chaotic group chat you can’t leave – wrapped up months ago. But Cobie, the internet’s resident crypto philosopher-shaman, dropped a mystical NFT like it was the One Ring and declared: “When this is burned, the podcast returns. Until then, PEASANT, LEAVE ME.” (Slight paraphrase. But emotionally accurate.)

According to the official press release (dated Oct. 20, in case you’re wondering), Nasdaq-listed Jiuzi Holdings just inked a major deal with BitFi, which gives them access to BitFi’s $2.75 billion ecosystem of wrapped Bitcoin assets. So, it’s like they’re diving into the deep end of the crypto pool-except this pool is worth a small country. 🏝️

If ETH breaks above the 50-day MA at $4,181, it might hit $4.5K. But macro headwinds are like that one friend who always ruins the party-they could push it back to $3,819. 🌪️🎉

With the market’s pulse quickening, the buyers dare to dream of more gains-perhaps a full-blown rally, perhaps just a brief flirtation. The Bollinger Bands, those mysterious indicators, whisper of a ‘W’ pattern-a classic sign of bottoming out-like a tired old man stretching after a long nap, suggesting XRP might just be oversold, or perhaps just very good at pretending. The daily RSI, that blunt but honest relative strength gauge, has joined the party with a rising divergence, hinting that XRP is staging a double-bottom comeback-a rebirth, maybe, or just wishful thinking? 🤡

Let us not forget the recent European ETP listing, which briefly gave FLOKI a veneer of respectability. But alas, Black Friday’s icy breath froze all progress. Yet here comes Musk, armed with Grok’s video magic and a penchant for turning memes into millionaires, and voilà! The token rebounds 30% – a resurrection so theatrical it could make Lazarus jealous. 🤯

a dog, a tweet, and a market in disarray. 🐕💸

While meme coins might still be the life of the party (and the latest National Geographic documentary), it turns out they’re evolving-moving from mere silliness to tangible projects with actual punch. Snorter is riding this wave like a pro, albeit with a mascot that looks like it just rolled out of a cuddly toy factory. Behind the fluffy facade, though, lies a Telegram-based trading bot platform built on Solona, hunting down high-growth meme coins on Binance, Solona, and Ethereum. Think of it as the Sherlock Holmes of the crypto jungle, but with a cute nose. 🕵️‍♂️

The program, running until November 15, aims to soothe the tears of traders who “verified” their losses. 📉 Because nothing says “we care” like asking for receipts from the financial apocalypse you just survived!