Crypto News

“The industry definition of ‘mNAV’ needs to be deleted and forgotten,” Cipolaro grumbles in a note, half-hidden among the financial valleys and rolling hills of the crypto nations. “Market cap to bitcoin/digital asset value,” he mused, “is nothing more than a siren call leading ships astray, a lighthouse without light, a bread without the meat.” And there you have it: the grand old industry lies skulking behind the curtain, that grand ruse laid bare.

CryptoPotato, that chronicler of chaos, reported in August that the Pi Network Core Team, ever the architects of confusion, devised a new way to engage its Pioneers: a hackathon. The 2025 event, which began on August 21, will culminate on October 15, with a midpoint check-in on September 19-a date as ominous as a funeral bell.

Mr. Durov, with a twinkle in his eye and a scroll of policies in hand, shared on his beloved Telegram (and X, because why not?) that French intelligence sent a mysterious intermediary to Paris last year. Their mission? To convince him to delete Moldovan channels before their presidential elections. “Unacceptable on several levels,” he declared, as if sipping tea while foiling a heist. 🍵🕵️♂️

When Bitcoin’s price flutters like a confused bumblebee on a sugar rush, traditional investors watch their dreams dissolve into digital dust. But cloud mining? Oh, it’s just chugging along, mining coins like a cosmic version of a tea kettle. Instead of betting on the universe’s whims (which, let’s be honest, are terrible), you’re generating Bitcoin daily. It’s like having a pet black hole that spits out coins instead of sucking in stars. Genius!

So, Polkadot’s like, “Hey, let’s make our own stablecoin, pUSD, because USDT and USDC are so last season.” 🌾✨ Fully backed by DOT tokens, because why not bet the farm on your own horse? In May, some genius wrote a proposal saying this will “boost DeFi growth” and “reduce reliance on external stablecoins.” Voters are like, “Sure, why not?” and it’s almost passing. Democracy in action, folks. 🗳️🤷‍♂️

Gaze upon the 1-hour SEI/USDT chart, a canvas of financial drama! The token, like a hapless actor, bounces near $0.2719, its support zone. Will it leap to $0.2768, $0.2805, or even $0.2858? Or shall it stumble, leaving the bulls to weep into their ledgers? 📈😢

But let’s not rush to mortgage the house just yet, shall we? The efficacy of these pronouncements is, to put it mildly, dubious. This article, dear reader, will dissect Gemini AI’s forecasts, placing them, with a suitably skeptical gaze, against the backdrop of the chaotic, often irrational, cryptoverse. We shall see if any of these digital trinkets truly ascends in 2025. A grand ambition, is it not?

Just weeks ago, the second-most-important digital trinket swaggered above forty-seven hundred! A brief, arrogant flourish. Then, predictably, gravity exerted its influence. A slip, a slide… but we held onto four-thousand five hundred, at least until Monday. Ah, Monday. The day hope goes to die. Within an hour, the poor thing was flailing below forty-one hundred, like a landed fish.🐟

Apparently, SWIFT has extended a hesitant hand towards Ethereum’s Layer 2, Linea. A curious courtship, wouldn’t you say? Like a grand old bear attempting ballet. It seems the urgency of competition, that relentless current, compels even the most established institutions towards… innovation? One shudders to think of the committee meetings that preceded this decision.

Stock-to-Flow spiked above 40, MVRV Z-score cooled to 0.798, and Funding Rates stayed positive, hinting at bullish bias but rising volatility risks. It’s like a tightrope walker on a unicycle-thrilling, but I’d rather not be the one holding the net. 🎪