Crypto News

In a most fascinating update from the ever-wise Lennaert Snyder, Bitcoin has been caught in a vice of compression. This market is narrowing, darling, as if it’s squeezing into a size-too-small corset before the grand ball. And while the moves are narrowing, we all know what that means: a dramatic burst is imminent. Snyder notes that previous scalp setups (yes, the ones that made us feel so clever) played out just fine, but let’s not kid ourselves-those were “C-setups.” They were like those lovely appetizers at a party: satisfying, yet ultimately lacking the thrill of the main course. True trading pleasure, my dear, is found at the range boundaries.

Ah, the Shiba Inu-that grinning, mocking canine of the crypto world-had once again stirred the murky waters of speculation. The whales, those bloated leviathans of wealth, had slithered forth in their most frenzied dance since the fateful dawn of June 6th. Was it greed? Desperation? Or merely the restless twitching of men who had too much and yet still craved more?

The pioneer crypto, as well as the two commodity safe havens, Gold and Silver, may face volatility around the Fed’s interest rate decision, even as XAG price breaks above $60/oz for the first time in history, now up +108% in 2025. 📈

Meet Crypto X AiMan, the X social media sensation who’s making waves bigger than my Netflix queue. This week, he dropped a bombshell: he sold his entire Bitcoin stash and YOLO’d into XRP. 💥 No half-measures here-he’s 100% all-in, like me at a cake buffet. 🍰 The crypto community is losing its mind, with some folks nodding along like, “Yeah, I’m already on that train!” 🚂 Others are just staring at their screens like, “Is this a prank?” 🤡

On-chain whispers tell of a peculiar ballet: one investor pockets profit while another, with a sigh, distributes it like a miser scattering rubles at a funeral. Beneath this dance lies a fragile momentum, as if Bitcoin were a moth fluttering toward a candle it fears might burn it. But alas, the tale is longer than the patience of a tea-drinking trader.

Ethereum’s base layer activity has cooled, with fees and TVL dropping, showing slower demand despite the recent price recovery. How very droll! 🎭

So, apparently, the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency-yeah, OCC-says U.S. banks can now mess around with Bitcoin, Ethereum, XRP, and Solana. Because, why not? I mean, if they’re not busy enough, let’s throw in some crypto trading, right? This OCC letter-because who doesn’t love a good government memo?-says banks can buy crypto and … Read more

In a letter so interpretive it could rival a Shakespearean sonnet, the regulator chirped that banks may now play both sides of the crypto fence, acting as principals in a trade with one customer while simultaneously hedging their bets with another. 🦸‍♂️🦹‍♀️ A structure, they say, that mirrors the oh-so-serious “riskless principal activity” in traditional markets. How delightfully dull! 😴

And just like that, CZ’s comment becomes the star of the show. Everyone turns their head to ASTER, even as the thing actually starts to do stuff behind the scenes. The hustle continues, but the hype? That’s just smoke and mirrors-mostly mirrors, really.

According to MadWhale (yes, that’s his name, and no, I’m not making this up), Litecoin’s technical structure is basically a runway waiting for takeoff. 🚀 With its current price chilling around $83, a jump to $110 would be like going from “meh” to “YAAAS QUEEN” in under 30 seconds. And let’s be real, who doesn’t love a good comeback story? Especially when it involves money and charts that look like modern art. 🎨💸