Crypto News

Behold! Bitcoin (BTC) doth draw nigh to $117,000, as speculators, like moths to a flame, eagerly avoid a decline in its worth. A most precarious pursuit, I say! 🧐

Herein lies the fabulously intricate tapestry:

This fund is for the big kids-professional and institutional investors only, sorry retail darlings. 🏦 Domiciled in the Cayman Islands (because tax havens are so chic), it offers monthly liquidity (in case you need to buy another yacht 🚤), a “strict risk-management framework” (because crypto and risk are like Bridget and Mark Darcy-complicated), and integration with Sygnum’s banking services. Oh, and get this: fund shares can be used as collateral for USD Lombard loans. So you can get liquidity without selling your holdings. Genius? Or just another way to keep you hooked? 🤔 Sygnum handles the regulated stuff (boring but necessary), while Starboard brings the trading expertise (the fun part). The goal? Let investors keep their full Bitcoin price exposure while growing their BTC balances. Because who doesn’t want more Bitcoin? 🌕

But dear reader, the tale does not end here! Amidst merriment and excitement, WLFI appeared on the verge of performing a grand, even daring experiment-tokenizing the very sinew and bones of the earth: real estate and the liquid gifts nature has so lavishly bestowed: oil and gas. One could only imagine what heavenly jester’s hat they must have donned when exploring these opportunities! This brave leap does indeed affirm their valiant crusade, a glorious expansion into the enchanted lands of crypto utility, harmonizing the magic of stablecions with avant-garde financial contrivances, all aiming to charm the masses and make their daily commerce a jolly, bewitching affair! 🎩✨

They insist this is not a gamble but a devotion: Bitcoin as the primary treasury asset, a talisman for the long run, a stubborn oak in the storm of markets. The rhetoric wears a smile, almost a wink from a clerk who knows the punchline of every quarterly report. Bitcoin, they say, is strength that endures beyond coffee breaks and branding slogans, a prophecy that tastes of old coins and future salaries. 💼🪙😂

Oh, the drama this has stirred in the mystical underworld of the crypto market where everyone trades their fortunes like hot potatoes! While some boffins brand him delusional, others hail him as the brave knight-errant of our countercultural kingdom.

Meanwhile, the crypto bourses, those capricious markets of digital alchemy, indulged in their daily diversions, scarcely raising an eyebrow at the governmental spectacle! The total fortune of these virtual treasures clings steadfastly to the astonishing height of four trillion pieces of gold, a level newly mastered on this very week.

In a move straight out of an outrageous hall-of-mirrors, the SEC has branded this rise as a potential skit, fuelled by social media endorsements from mysterious TipTop “experts.” Starting from Monday, this trading freeze is scheduled to last for ten blistering trading days, as regulators put on their detective hats and dig deep. 🕵️‍♀️

This infusion of capital, one might say, is a gambit to fortify DogeHash’s operations amidst the mounting difficulties of mining and the buoyant prognostications for Dogecoin’s price. Ah, the irony! A currency born of memes now commands the attention of the titans of industry. 😏

The New York State Department of Financial Services (DFS) has once again graced us with updated guidance, this time aimed at protecting your virtual currency booty when insolvency comes knocking like an uninvited in-law. This latest decree tramples on the toes of the January 23, 2023 edict, adding fresh tidbits about the mysterious world of sub-custodians, while waving their banner for “sound” custody and disclosure practices – all to keep the dear customer snug as a bug in a blockchain rug.