For over a decade, Bitcoin [BTC] has danced to a cruel, predictable tune: a Halving event, a commendable rally to new heights, and then a brutal 75-90% crash that resets the entire market like a poorly timed joke. 🕵️♂️
Behold, the EMAs-20, 50, and the formidable 100-looming like ancient sentinels, their slopes as downward as a poet’s despair. SHIB, poor creature, is ensnared in this multilayered web of resistance, its every bounce a fleeting hope, destined to fade unless it breaches the 50-day EMA’s fortress. A downtrend, you say? Nay, it is a tragic ballet, each step a reminder of gravity’s cruel embrace. 💃
Key Highlights
The office, helmed by Sungmo Park-a man who has donned the robes of Monad and Polygon like a jester swapping jests-now ascends to Head of APAC go-to-market. Anthony Albanese, the fund’s COO, waxed poetic about the move, claiming proximity to “users and builders” is the new holy grail. A noble lie, perhaps? For what is closer to the truth than a well-told delusion in these times of digital utopianism? 🤷♂️
The bank’s reasoning, it seems, is built on a single but powerful nugget of truth: Norway’s payment system is already a fortress of security and efficiency. Even though cash is about as popular in Norway as a snowball in the Sahara, the system hums along like a well-oiled machine. Payments are fast, smooth, and-get this-cheap. Who needs a fancy new digital currency when what you’ve got is already working like a charm? 🍀
On December 10, the sages of Gelephu Mindfulness City-probably sipping yak butter tea-stated that come December 17, the world’s first sovereign-backed, gold-laden digital thingy named TER would be unleashed onto the cosmos via the Solana blockchain. Of course, because nothing says “trust” like a city named after mindfulness and the word “launch.” Each of these shiny tokens is backed his majesty 1:1 by actual, bank-verified, physically existing gold stored somewhere probably guarded by monks armed with digital swords. This ensures your virtual gold doesn’t wobble in turbulent markets-because real gold is so much better than virtual, right? And thanks to Solana’s lightning-fast and wallet-friendly transactions, this isn’t just some fancy paperweight but a real, verifiable digital treasure chest. Just don’t forget to blink or you’ll miss the launch! 🚀
Gemini Titan, the Winklevoss twins’ crypto circus sidekick, finally crushed the CFTC (after five years of paperwork!) and now you can bet your grandma’s Social Security number on questions like “Will Bitcoin top $200K?” 🤯 Yep, it’s like crypto’s version of a magic 8-ball, but with more fees and less magic. CEO Tyler Winklevoss, ever … Read more
The esteemed Acting Chair of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC), Caroline Pham, unveiled the inaugural cohort of executives destined to join the CFTC’s newly minted CEO Innovation Council. This council, a public forum of considerable repute, invites leaders from major exchanges and crypto platforms to engage in discourse on the metamorphosis of derivatives markets, particularly as technology reshapes the art of trading.
Crypto.com-the latest darling of blockchain enthusiasts-and 21shares, masters of Cronos (CRO) wizardry, have joined forces in a strategic dance (read: business move). This Earth-shattering partnership aims to debut a private CRO trust and, eventually, a Cronos ETF, because who doesn’t want a regulated way to profit from blockchain’s native chaos? 🤑
Representative Keith Self, a man clearly wrestling with an existential crisis over digital finance (or perhaps just parliamentary procedure), declared on X – a platform for profound pronouncements, naturally – that promises were “explicitly” broken. One does so adore explicit promises; they make the inevitable disappointment so much more satisfying.
