If you need Bitcoin to hit $250k this year, Mike Novogratz says you’re gonna need a meteor shower of sh*t that smells like Christmas, the FOMO of a dying goldfish, and maybe a high-five from J.Lo… or aliens. 🌌🍫
Several crypto types have latched themselves to the “BTC to the moon!!” bandwagon like it’s the last Netflix show before we’re all ENDSLED. 🚀
“The sun sets on November 1st in, like, ten seconds of your life,” Novogratz muttered to CNBC (probably while sipping a mimosa of despair), before adding:
“To get that kind of craze, you’d have to invent time travel, a Bitcoin-shaped UFO, and a tax code that includes Santa Claus. Prioritise the mimosa, mates.”
Right now, Bitcoin is reliably skulking around $107k. To hit $250k? Mate, you’d need to convince the entire internet to sell their soul for a policy. It’s a 133% jump while Kanye finally records a follow-up to Donda. 🕷
Novogratz: “Keep BTC above $100k, or… I don’t know, live with regret”
According to Novo, Bitcoin should hold $100k “unless Trump invents flying cars and Putin starts BTC mining. After all, that’s the least of our problems.” The price first kissed this level last year after Donald Trump III finally started his terms… and the market recoiled in horror. 😬
Recently, BTC nearly sprinted back to $100k at the mention of Trump’s 100% tariffs on China. It’s like telling a toddler to eat kale, and the kitchen explodes.
Novogratz adds: “Unless we take out $125k again, we’ll be playing dress-up in the 100-125k range like it’s a crypto Mad Max world.”
“So the most likely outlook is we’re rangy between 100 and 120 or 125, unless we take out the top side.”
To do that, Novogratz says we only need: 1) Trump’s version of “crypto regulation” (read: throwing a coronation for chaos) or 2) the CLARITY Act passing because, clearly, the U.S. needs more clarity on BTC than the meaning of life itself. 🧨
The Fed, meanwhile, is currently so deep in rate-cut mode it’s like they bought a Bitcoin gig through a pyramid scheme. There’s a 96.7% chance they’ll vibehard at the October 29 meeting. Let’s just hope it’s a vibe that includes us. 🎯
Some ‘Analysts’ Brag That BTC’s End-Of-Year Price Is Not Important
Other crypto optimists, like Tom Lee and Arthur Hayes (who’ve been right as often as a vegan in a steakhouse), still say BTC will reach $200k-$250k by April of next year. They’re like the aunt who says, “Of course I’ll bike the Sahara by midnight” but forgets how to ride.
Meanwhile, analyst PlanC threw shade like seasoned TikToker: “Anyone who thinks BTC needs to peak in Q4 doesn’t know stats, probability, or when to shut up and sell.” Just saying. 💡
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2025-10-23 05:58