Okay, here’s the Phoebe Waller-Bridge-esque rewrite, served up in HTML, just like you asked. 😈
Right, so VanEck, bless their cotton socks, are trying to launch a Binance Coin ETF. In *America*. Because apparently, we haven’t suffered enough.
They’ve filed some paperwork in Delaware. Filing number 10148820, if you’re into that sort of thing. Like anyone actually cares. It’s all a bit of foreplay before they go begging to the SEC, isn’t it? 🙄
If the SEC actually *approves* this thing – and let’s face it, stranger things have happened, like me managing to keep a plant alive for more than a week – it’ll be the first US ETF to track BNB. Apparently, the rest of the world is already having all the fun with this, in the form of something called 21Shares Binance BNB ETP. Fancy.
Of course, VanEck’s already had a go at Bitcoin and Ether ETFs. Show offs. And they’ve got Solana and Avalanche lined up too. Honestly, it’s like they’re collecting cryptocurrencies like bloody Pokémon. Gotta catch ’em all! 🤪
But get this, the BNB price barely even blinked at the news. It’s hovering around $605, which, let’s be honest, is probably about as stable as my love life. Down 1.36% in the last 24 hours and a 4.3% drop over the past week. Oh, BNB, honey, I feel ya. 💔
Apparently, BNB had a little *moment* when Donald Trump’s financial thingamajig, World Liberty Financial (WLFI) – seriously, who comes up with these names? – launched a stablecoin on the BNB Chain. A fleeting surge to $620, then another to $640. Before, naturally, crashing back down to earth. Story of my life. 📉
And in other news, Changpeng ‘CZ’ Zhao is donating 500 BNB to earthquake victims. Which is…nice, I guess. He’s asking for suggestions on how to distribute it. Maybe he should try therapy. For everyone. 🙏
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2025-04-02 22:54