After what felt like an eternity of watching paint dry—sorry, I meant bitcoin prices—our beloved cryptocurrency finally decided to wake up from its slumber last night and jumped a whopping ten grand! 🎉
And let’s not forget the altcoins, which apparently took a cue from President Trump’s Twitter feed and decided to party like it’s 1999. Who knew a name drop could send prices soaring? Talk about a political power move! 🙄
BTC Soars by $10K
It was a rollercoaster week for bitcoin, which plummeted from $96,000 on Monday to a mere $78,000 by Friday morning. Thanks, Trump! Between trade wars and inflation fears, it’s a wonder we didn’t all just throw our wallets into the ocean. 🌊
But just when we thought it was game over, BTC decided to make a comeback on Friday afternoon, bouncing back to $84,000. The weekend was calm, with bitcoin lounging around the $84,000 to $86,000 range like it was on a beach vacation. 🏖️
Then, in a plot twist worthy of a daytime soap opera, Trump announced that his administration would finally get around to creating the US Crypto Reserve. Cue the dramatic music! This news sent shockwaves through the altcoin market, and BTC eventually decided to join the party. 🎊
After a slight dip to $85,000, bitcoin shot up by another $10,000 to $95,000 in a matter of hours. It’s like watching a toddler on a sugar high—exciting but slightly terrifying. As of now, it’s still holding strong above $92,000, with a market cap that’s ballooned to $1.840 trillion. Talk about a glow-up! 💪

Biggest Alt Gainers
The first trio of crypto assets that Trump mentioned—SOL, ADA, and XRP—immediately shot up like they were on a trampoline. Who knew a little presidential endorsement could do wonders? 🎈
Sure, some of them have retreated from their peaks, but ETH is still basking in a nearly 5% gain, sitting pretty above $2,350. Meanwhile, DOGE is flirting with $0.22, and SOL, ADA, and XRP are still flexing their double-digit gains. 💸
On the flip side, BNB and LTC are sulking in the corner with losses of 1% and 4%, respectively. Maybe they should have hired a better PR team? 🤷♂️
Overall, the total crypto market cap exploded by $300 billion since Sunday’s low, now comfortably lounging above $3.15 trillion. It’s like a financial fireworks show, and we’re all just here for the spectacle! 🎆

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2025-03-03 14:54