Bitcoin’s Big Plunge—Is Trump’s Tariff Tantrum to Blame?

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You’ve got Bitcoin flirting below $75K—like it can’t decide if it’s a big deal or not. Meanwhile, the markets are shedding these fancy ‘risk assets’ faster than I shed friends after a bad dinner party. All because everyone’s bracing for some prolonged trade war with China, Europe…who knows, probably Mars next. 😒

Bitcoin Nosedives Under $75k as World Stock Markets Plunge Under Trump’s Tariffs

So apparently, Bitcoin decided Monday morning was the perfect time to throw a tantrum. Experts say it’s one of those “knee-jerk reactions” to a tariff plan that’s “reciprocal.” Sure, let’s all recite that like we know exactly what it means. 🤷‍♂️

The so-called prime cryptocurrency sank to $74,666.46 on Crypto.com, as if that’s not ominous enough. Other exchanges followed suit because, as usual, they just couldn’t resist joining the panic party. Analysts blame the prolonged negotiations, but quite frankly, this feels more like a never-ending soap opera than a trade deal. 😬

Ether? Oh, it’s down to $1,446, dropping over 18% like it’s trying to win the award for “Most Dramatic.” Meanwhile, XRP and SOL took a nosedive, too. It’s like everyone’s doing a synchronized jump off the proverbial financial cliff. 🏊‍♂️

Chinese and Asian stock markets? Also in the doghouse. Hong Kong’s Hang Seng is down over 9%. China’s CSI300 is down more than 5%. At this point, the only thing holding up might be my pants, and even that’s questionable some days. 😒

Apparently, no one’s expecting a quick fix to these tariffs. It’s apparently a “structural shift,” like we’re remodeling a kitchen in the middle of a dinner party. Officials say it’s to recoup losses from years of “uneven trade practices.” I can almost hear them shrugging. 🤷‍♂️

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent called out “bad actors” that can’t be “fixed” in mere days or weeks. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick doubled down, promising “days and weeks” of tariffs for our enjoyment. Sounds like they’re planning to outlast the last season of that show nobody wants to watch. 💤

President Trump even chimed in, comparing the market selloff to taking medicine. “Sometimes you have to gulp it down,” he says. Except this medicine tastes awful, and there’s no candy to chase it with. If you ask me, someone ought to call the pharmacy and check if there’s a refund policy. 😑

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2025-04-07 11:27