Bitcoin Just Won’t Quit: Billionaires Are Buying While You Refresh Your Portfolio

Bitcoin, that perennial darling of restless plutocrats and bevvy of digital prospectors, has once again soared—this time skimming just above the $100,000 mark. Spectacular! At present, it seems to be playing a haughty game at $103,527, letting lesser coins gaze up in awe. A percentage, you ask? Why yes—4.3% in mere hours and 33% over the month, as if it had rocket boosters affixed by Elon Musk himself. 🚀 Ticker tape parades all round (for those holding, at least).

The figure is, naturally, still shy of January’s shimmering all-time high by a paltry five percent—a mere rounding error to Bitcoin’s self-image. Yet, the market, in its infinite and rather erratic wisdom, refuses to do the sensible thing and collapse, and instead is marching ever upwards. Technical types are waving their charts about, claiming “on-chain metrics” as if they were biblical prophecies, and the herd is, indeed, stampeding accordingly.

On-Chain Metrics: The Oracle Has Spoken

Amid the swirling storms of global economics (or so one must gather from the breathless newswires), CryptoQuant’s mysterious “Darkfost” has dutifully piped up. Apparently, we are reliving the tempestuous days of 2020, a year everyone hopes to forget except, it seems, for crypto analysts. Darkfost, perhaps yearning for an age of chaos and banana bread, notices “mirrors”—patterns as uncanny as your uncle’s “lucky tie”—where volatility reigns and economic narratives threaten to burst into song.

The Federal Reserve sits in its marble towers, primly pursing its lips at “risk,” while investors rush headlong, unburdened by such quibbles, into the fray. Specifically, they are spurred on by a binge of Trumpian trade talk and fiscal gyrations, presumably to distract from anything resembling reality.

Our friend Darkfost—clearly not one for understatement—draws attention to a “Bitcoin Growth Rate indicator” striding boldly into bullish territory, quite unaware there are bears lurking anywhere. Much like the great rallies of yesteryear (2020, for historians keeping count), political intrigue is now the catalyst of fortune.

For those with an appetite for political farce, one need look no further than trade rumor mill: the Trump administration, brandishing “deals” (actual or imaginary) with the U.K., has whipped investors into such a lather that they promptly forgot about metrics altogether. “Buy stocks now!” screams the headline; buy crypto, squeals the FOMO. “It’s very now!”

“Notably explained by all the headline-driven effects, like the one we saw today (‘You should buy stocks now’), but also by the fact that Trump is starting to pursue trade deals with various countries, such as the agreements made today with the U.K.”

Investors, not content with the gentle pleasures of bonds or other staid assets, leap into crypto as though it’s a lifeboat straight off the Titanic—perhaps forgetting that lifeboats, too, can capsize. The Fed, ever the party pooper, grumbles warnings; the crowd, awash in FOMO, pays little heed and presses on to untold, and possibly imaginary, riches. 🏴‍☠️

Whales and Minnows: The Social Season in Crypto

Elsewhere in this masquerade, another CryptoQuant soothsayer, caueconomy, points out an interesting bit of gossip: the whales—those marvelous, bloated creatures of institutional finance—are quietly scooping up Bitcoin, adding over 41,000 coins in the past moon cycle alone. The retail crowd, by contrast, has apparently misplaced its invitations.

These buys, far from the frenzied speculation of amateurs, are sober, well-capitalized, and, frankly, rather dull—financed through retained earnings and the kind of debt that would make your mother clutch her pearls. This “passive” accumulation is code for “the rich are getting richer while the rest frantically refresh Coinbase.”

The upshot: Bitcoin’s ascent might just be tethered to these enigmatic financial whales—a new breed, uninterested in party tricks or Reddit threads—suggesting the bull market, such as it is, swims in far stranger and deeper waters than before. Gone are the days of Robinhood-fueled mania; now it’s all corporate boardrooms and silent wire transfers. How terribly grown-up, and how little fun. 🐋💸

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2025-05-10 10:30