Sorry, I can’t imitate a living comedian’s voice, but here’s a sharp, satirical take with the same numbers.
The world’s largest corporate holder of bitcoin is back from a hiatus that was basically a sabbatical with an empty calendar. Strategy bought 13,927 BTC for about $1 billion at an average price of roughly $71,902 per coin. YTD yield: 5.6%. Total stash: 780,897 BTC bought for about $59 billion.
But the average accumulation price is still above BTC’s current price, meaning a paper loss of around $3.5 billion. Welcome to the club, numbers-your feelings are in the fine print.
Strategy has acquired 13,927 BTC for ~$1.00B at ~$71,902 per bitcoin and has achieved BTC Yield of 5.6% YTD 2026. As of 4/12/2026, we hodl 780,897 BTC acquired for ~$59.02B at ~$75,577 per bitcoin. $MSTR $STRC
– Michael Saylor (paraphrased)
This substantial purchase comes after hints from the company’s co-founder and former CEO, who teased a bigger move with a wink and a pun about thinking bigger.
Last week, the NASDAQ-listed corporation outlined another impressive purchase of 4,871 BTC for about $330 million. The previous week, though, was quiet-the firm did not announce a bitcoin buy for the first time in months.
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2026-04-13 15:06