Banks Terrified Brits Might Gamble Away Their Lunch Money on Crypto, FCA Panics

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If there’s one thing the Financial Conduct Authority loves, it’s keeping a stiff upper lip about your finances—even when you’re fantasizing about becoming the next Bitcoin baron on borrowed cash. The Financial Times spilled the beans Friday: the FCA doesn’t much fancy the idea of firms lending Brits money specifically to play the “get-rich-or-die-Tweeting” crypto game. 💸

Apparently, these government watchdogs have watched too many cautionary episodes of Deal or No Deal. Their latest concern? Brits might “borrow” a few quid, punt it all on crypto, and wind up repaying their loans with Monopoly money. Somewhere, there’s a dusty lesson about tulip mania, but nobody’s listening over the sound of Dogecoin memes.

Meanwhile, the UK—where the tea is hot and the crypto regulation is even hotter—has drafted a new set of rules for would-be digital asset cowboys. Ripple, the all-American blockchain company, reportedly sent the FCA a nice thank-you note, if only because American regulators scare them more.

Still, there are some naysayers who accuse the FCA of treating crypto traders like children who can’t be trusted around plug sockets. David Geale, executive director and king of regulatory dad jokes, insists on an “appropriate level” of protection, which is a very British way of saying: “Don’t come crying to me when your NFT is worth less than a Tesco meal deal.”

As of this morning, the FCA’s now asking for feedback on how to regulate crypto trading platforms. I don’t know about you, but I’m taking bets on whether the response will be more ‘wild west’ or ‘accountants in high-vis vests.’ 🚩

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2025-05-02 13:45