Right, so, the universe, as we know it, continues its baffling existence, and financial types are still having opinions. Jim Cramer, a chap known for shouting at screens and occasionally being right (allegedly), has decided that Apple’s strategy of buying back its own stock is about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. Apparently, all that lovely cash is just sitting there, gathering digital dust bunnies.
Apple should buy Bitcoin. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
— Michael Saylor (@saylor) June 10, 2025
Enter Michael Saylor, a man whose enthusiasm for Bitcoin rivals that of a caffeinated squirrel at a nut convention. He runs MicroStrategy, a company that seemingly exists solely to hoard Bitcoin like a dragon guarding its gold, only shinier and more decentralized. Saylor, in a moment of what can only be described as breathtaking audacity, suggested that Apple should, wait for it, buy Bitcoin. Yes, all the Bitcoin. Or, you know, some of it. Enough to make a dent, anyway.
Cramer, presumably after calming down from the sheer volume of his own pronouncements, took to X (formerly known as Twitter, because apparently, rebranding is the answer to everything) to declare that the Apple buyback scheme is “not working right now.” Which, in financial terms, is roughly equivalent to saying that the Earth is not, in fact, flat. He suggests Apple should either let the money “earn a lot” (presumably by breeding it in a dark room) or “take some and integrate.” Integrate what, you ask? Nobody knows. Probably something involving lasers and world domination. Or maybe just a slightly better iPhone. 🤷
Apple, you see, has a Scrooge McDuck-ian vault filled with over $200 billion. They usually buy back their own stock to make shareholders happy, which is a bit like giving everyone a slightly bigger slice of a pie that’s still the same size. Cramer, however, thinks this is about as innovative as a beige toaster. He believes Apple should invest in things that might, just might, lead to new ideas or, heaven forbid, actual profits. The horror!
Saylor, meanwhile, continues to evangelize Bitcoin with the fervor of a door-to-door salesman peddling enlightenment. MicroStrategy, as of June 9, 2025, is sitting on a pile of 582,000 bitcoins, which is currently valued at approximately the GDP of a small, moderately successful island nation. Or $40.79 billion, if you prefer boring numbers. 🤑
He even posits that if a behemoth like Apple were to dive headfirst into the Bitcoin pool, it would legitimize cryptocurrency in the eyes of the business world. Which, let’s be honest, is a bit like saying that if a celebrity endorses a brand of toothpaste, everyone will suddenly have perfect teeth. It might happen, but don’t bet your house on it. 🏠🔥
Apple, of course, is unlikely to listen. They’re probably too busy designing thinner iPhones and figuring out how to charge even more for a charging cable. But Saylor’s suggestion does highlight the growing, if slightly bewildered, interest in cryptocurrencies among the corporate elite. Whether this interest is driven by genuine belief or simply a fear of missing out on the next big thing remains, as always, a mystery wrapped in an enigma, sprinkled with a generous helping of financial jargon. 🤔
Read More
2025-06-10 15:51