Analyst Weeps Over Bitcoin’s Herculean Strength—Are Crypto Plebs Doomed to Watch?

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The analyst, a shadow without a face—”Credible”—rises from the gloomy pit of social media, waving his digital lamp to 467,100 restless souls on X. He murmurs of Bitcoin, of movements in the market as intoxicating and unpredictable as fate itself. He finds hope in the dry numbers, the capital flooding, the pulse of machines—perhaps, even a glimmer of salvation in these cold symbols.

According to this invisible prophet, Bitcoin is wrestling above $90,000. Its CVD—the new oracle for gamblers and dreamers—eases. Demands growl, sellers clutch their wallets, but BTC—like a stubborn mule or a fool with a dream—climbs upward.


“Bitcoin is looking really healthy here,” Credible proclaims, as if reporting on the robust color of a sickly child’s cheeks.

“The move is impulsive. The CVD resets. The price, stubborn as a Russian revolutionary, keeps going up! Sellers absorbed, funding indifferent. The only positions worth your time? Long. Or go home and take up knitting.”


Knitting not included in trading advice.

But the world of coins is a cruel one, comrade. Altcoins, poor neglected cousins, lie in the gutter. Once again, Bitcoin aims to stride ahead, leaving the other cryptos to gnaw at their stale bread, biding their time. Altcoins stir only after Bitcoin bursts through yet another legendary high, as if someone finally remembered to toss them a crust.


“If BTC breaks out, the alts can only watch for a brief, pitiful window,” says the analyst, possibly while sipping bitter tea and staring into the rain.

“BTC could reach $125,000, maybe $135,000—while others sob quietly in the shadows. Only when the mighty has feasted will CRV and company lick their lips and move, albeit awkwardly, towards the light.”
General mood: crypto existentialism, with a side of memes.

At present, Bitcoin lounges at $94,182, looking down from its throne. The rest of us? We get to watch (and refresh the chart nervously). 😂💸

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2025-04-30 10:22