Actually, They Are Here to Make Friends

As a seasoned observer of reality television, I find it truly heartwarming to witness the profound bonds formed among contestants who initially entered these shows seeking love or survival. The connections forged between them are not just fleeting alliances but deep friendships that transcend the confines of the show and its narrative arcs.

This week’s episode of The Golden Bachelorette showcased emotional eliminations, a common occurrence in reality TV. However, the emotion wasn’t primarily centered around the prospect of marriage to Bachelorette Joan. Instead, when the three eliminated contestants were asked to leave Bachelor Mansion, they were more visibly upset about parting from each other. They exchanged heartfelt hugs, shed tears, patted each other’s backs, and shared how profoundly this experience had impacted them, regardless of finding romantic love. As Mark bid farewell, Joan expressed her feelings, to which he replied, “I know I’m leaving home a better man and a better father.” Jonathan consoled Mark with the words, “We love you, man,” before he departed. The men held hands, shared warm embraces, and even wiped away tears as Pascal lamented, “I’m very sad. He was my best friend.

In the realm of reality television, I’ve found myself captivated by moments that transcend competition and highlight genuine human connections. For instance, on this season of ‘Love Is Blind’, Monica’s heartbreak after discovering Stephen’s infidelity resonated deeply not just due to Stephen’s flimsy excuses, but because Taylor and Garrett stood by her, offering comfort in her time of need. Similarly, on the sensationally popular ‘Love Island USA’ this year, Rob contemplated leaving when his romantic interest Andrea was eliminated, only to reconsider after seeing his friend Aaron break down in tears, imploring him to stay.

Since the late 2000s and up to the 2010s, having no intention of forming friendships was a common trope in various reality competitions. The most famous instance of this attitude surfaced within the Bachelor universe in 2012, when season 16 villain Courtney Robertson, who later became the winner, openly defied the norms and ideals of The Bachelor’s romantic fairytale narrative. She disrupted dates, secretly spent time with the timid bachelor Ben Flajnik late at night, and took every opportunity to sabotage her fellow contestants. Despite being questioned about her behavior, Robertson remained unrepentant, famously stating, “I didn’t come here to make friends.” A video montage of such instances from various reality shows, including America’s Next Top Model, Top Chef, Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, A Shot at Love, Survivor, The Apprentice, Project Runway, and The Amazing Race, stretches over three minutes. By 2022, Rich Juzwiak noted that this mindset had become “the mantra for our times,” suggesting that this assumption about reality TV has permeated modern life so deeply that it’s now taken for granted.

Other than in 2024, “The Golden Bachelorette” is overflowing with clips of baby boomer men dabbing away tears while discussing the strength of their new camaraderie, and the cast from “Love Is Blind” season seven are consistently sharing images of one another accompanied by heartfelt comments. Has reality TV evolved? Have its contestants?

In the series titled “The Golden Bachelorette“, the surge in friendships among its contestants could be attributed to its unique lineup. Unlike many reality shows that feature participants primarily in their twenties and thirties, this show is dominated by baby boomers – men generally in their sixties who have been through marriages and are either divorced or widowed. After his elimination, Charles, a man grappling with joy following the loss of his wife, expresses the significant impact the show had on him. “It played a crucial role in helping me emerge from the hardship I faced,” he says. “It’s a successful journey for me, sharing it with my friends. It’s a different kind of love. I found it.

On the reality show “Golden Bachelorette”, several male participants express similar sentiments. They’ve found themselves emotionally detached following the end of their marriages. Some are now retired and miss the social interactions that were part of their professional lives. It’s well-known that older men often find it challenging to forge and sustain friendships, and it’s understandable that spending time together at the Bachelor mansion has given these gentlemen a consistent, emotionally open bond that they haven’t experienced since their marriages ended. They share a bunk room, grumble about each other’s noisy slumber, and even help each other with laundry. While some men appear more interested in Joan (it’s clear Chock is eyeing the prize), the overall atmosphere appreciates and values any form of emotional connection, not just romantic ones.

I find it intriguing that the age group in “The Golden Bachelorette” doesn’t seem to dictate the strong friendships shown on the seventh season of “Love Is Blind.” The camaraderie is palpable within the show, with exclamations like, “I missed you so much!”, “My friends!”, and “That’s my BOY!” But it’s even more evident off-screen, where cast members share group photos, stand up for each other against harsh edits, and engage as cheerleaders in one another’s comment sections. In fact, months before the season premiered, these women were already posting playful pictures together with cheeky captions and responding to each other’s selfies with heart emojis. It appears that even when shows rely on competition or romantic love for narrative drive, friendships are still formed. Whether intentional or not, they form bonds.

As the reality TV industry becomes more structured, it has become simpler to maintain friendships within this circle. The system of podcasts, sponsorships, media appearances, paid events, and spinoff shows for former cast members allows individuals from shows like Survivor, The Bachelor, Love Is Blind, etc., to form a vast network. This is much like the experience of joining a fraternity or sorority, where prospective members are chosen based on factors such as looks, social connections, ambitions, charisma, and chemistry. They all go through a shared, often stressful experience, which results in a common social calendar and a feeling that they’ve bonded with others who have gone through similar experiences.

Interestingly enough, an age-old saying seems fitting for reality TV shows that center around individuals who are already acquainted. Shows like ‘Below Deck‘, ‘Secret Lives of Mormon Wives‘ and the ‘Real Housewives ‘franchise, initially cast these people together due to their existing friendships. If they don’t have pre-existing relationships, the purpose is to watch them forge new ones. Anyone who tunes into lifestyle reality shows knows that this environment is ruthless, full of betrayal, strategy and manipulation. Unlike other TV genres, lifestyle TV lacks a competitive elimination format or set objective. Instead, their narrative focuses on interpersonal drama to create milestones and plot points.

In shows that aren’t focused on lifestyle, camaraderie is now the primary focus. Social media has made it so that the lives of participants after the show are more transparent, leading them to enter with a clearer understanding of the potential long-term friendships they could form. It’s possible that Joan might find love, but it’s challenging to imagine anything competing with all those men drying their tears and looking at each other affectionately.

2024-10-17 22:54

Actually, They Are Here to Make Friends

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