Oh, the sweet, sonorous delusions of grandeur! Our intrepid visionary Sam Bankman-Fried (a man whose financial acumen rivals that of a toddler with a piggy bank) has declared that FTX was never insolvent. Because nothing says “fiscal health” like a platform that lost $8 billion in customer assets while somehow retaining the mystical ability to repay 119-143% of claims. How quaint! 🎩🦡
Let’s not forget the 98% of creditors who’ve already received 120% of their dues – a gesture so generous, it’s akin to being overpaid for attending your own wake. And after the trifling matter of $1 billion in legal fees (because justice is pricey, darling), the bankruptcy estate still boasts $8 billion. A feat akin to finding a full-course meal in a landfill. 🍷💸
Truly, a “collapse” so spectacularly successful that one wonders if bankruptcy might be the new IPO. Hats off to Sammy, the pied piper of crypto chaos! 🚀🧼
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2025-10-31 09:17