Bank’s $40B Share Buyback — A Modern Tale of Wealth, Power, and a Dash of Self-Love

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A bustling Wall Street scene, or maybe just a fancy chart.

Ah, the mighty Bank of America, ever the darling of Wall Street’s latest ego stroke, has decided, with a flourish, that yes, it will buy back $40 billion worth of its own stock. Because, apparently, there’s nothing quite like tossing billions into a black hole of your own making, all in the name of “returning capital to shareholders.” 🌟

So, what’s the latest trick? The bank’s board, having nothing better to do, has given the green light for this shopping spree that kicks off on August 1st. A stock buyback, they call it—just a charming way for a company to reduce its share count, making each remaining piece seem fancier and more valuable. Investors often cheer, though one must wonder if they’re just clapping for the spectacle of billionaires having a good laugh over their own reflection.

Bank of America, in their infinite wisdom, stated that this move is about “providing additional capital return flexibility,” which might be a fancy way of saying “we’re spoiling ourselves because we can.” They also mentioned that the money isn’t needed elsewhere—like, say, actually supporting the economy or investing in something that benefits more than just their shareholders’ egos.

And just to keep everyone feeling warm and fuzzy, they’ve also increased the dividend by a mere $0.02—because who doesn’t love a tiny dividend bump? Payable on September 26th, just in time for shareholders to do whatever it is stockholders do with their money—probably cringe at how little it’s worth now.

At the moment, Board of America (so clever with their naming) is valued at $360.3 billion, trading around $48.45 a share—an amount that likely makes most of us feel poorer just looking at it. Berkshire Hathaway, that juggernaut of Warren Buffett’s just munching away at the company, owns over 631 million shares, making it their fourth favorite holder—after Apple, American Express, and Coca-Cola. Because nothing says “diversity” like a list that ends with a fizzy cola.

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2025-07-26 12:21