Scary Movie Dolls, Ranked by Best-Friend Potential

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Originally posted on January 13, 2023, as M3gan gets another opportunity to improve and become a more effective, albeit less frightening companion in the sequel, we’re re-sharing our list.

The history of horror films is filled with unsettling dolls, such as the infamous cursed monkey from “Monkey Shines” on its poster, which somehow reminds everyone of their grandparents’ knickknacks. Just the sight of its skeletal face under harsh lighting can give one nightmares. The clown in “Poltergeist” instilled a fear of circus performers decades before Pennywise graced our screens. However, what about those dolls that are lethal but could be harmless friends if we only managed to find common ground? Take the case of M3gan, for instance.

In a fascinating take, Vulture has sorted out and graded the top horror dolls with the highest and lowest potential for friendship. While it’s true that the chances of these friendships ending in a grim turn are substantial, let’s focus on the silver lining. There’s plenty to appreciate here if you’re open to viewing these mechanical and puppet companions as potential best friends. On one hand, there’s much to cherish when you find kindred spirits among them. However, beware when some of these seemingly trustworthy dolls may not live up to their promises, proving that not all doll friendships are created equal!

10.
Fats, Magic (1978)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=Hzrduy5h3G0

In simpler terms, it’s not wise to consider the manipulative and abusive ventriloquist dummy character played by Anthony Hopkins in the 1978 movie “Magic” as your friend. This character, named Fats, is a cruel and insensitive individual who takes advantage of people during their vulnerable moments. He may seem like he’s providing tough love or understanding you better than others, but the truth is that he relies on you far more than you depend on him. To protect yourself and avoid causing harm to the character played by Ann-Margret, it’s best not to engage with Fats.

9.
Annabelle, The Conjuring Universe

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=qKaU3v_fvmo

In comparison, Annabelle surpasses Fats in this ranking due to her less intrusive demeanor, but it’s important to note that she’s not significantly superior when considering the entire situation. Annabelle’s reserved personality can make her hard to connect with and sometimes come across as cold. Over time, a one-sided relationship might develop where you feel like Annabelle is primarily seeking information from you without reciprocating. Annabelle tends to flit from friend to friend, never truly establishing deep roots. If you’re someone who values strong connections, be prepared for Annabelle to appear, take more than she gives, and then depart once she moves on to a new location. Annabelle is captivating and charming, making it simple to become enthralled by her, but don’t confuse her intense gaze for a deeper bond than what truly exists. Ultimately, Annabelle may not be the best choice for a close friend, as she would likely discard you like characters in “The Banshees of Inisherin” rather than expose her vulnerabilities and invest time in you.

8.
Billy, Saw Franchise

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=dMOjbWwz3y0

Billy is known for his deep concern for people. He yearns for everyone to live their lives to the fullest, yet it seems that he enjoys talking about himself excessively. Billy offers a sympathetic ear during difficult times; there’s hardly anything too challenging, emotional, or complex that you can’t share with him. However, be prepared as his empathy might sometimes feel like an attempt to gain your unwavering devotion. When feeling insecure, he may require you to perform certain tasks to validate your commitment. If you’re considering becoming friends with Billy, it would be wise to maintain a cautious distance, but remember that he doesn’t typically engage in casual friendships. With Billy, it’s either a deep bond or nothing at all. And if you should let him down, he has an impressive ability to think outside the box when seeking retribution. In a close relationship with Billy, ask yourself: Are we truly friends, or am I merely his audience?

7.
Brahms, The Boy (2016)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=a6re9dIfEVY

Oh, Brahms, you’ve got a lot of potential for making friends, yet your behavior often makes it difficult for others to want to give you a chance. Brahms is the type of person you could potentially be friends with, but he’s not someone you’d ever want any of your female acquaintances to date. Isn’t that just another example of the “bro code” perpetuating harmful and toxic masculinity?

Brahms comes across as protective, which can appear endearing in the short term, but it leaves one wondering if his protectiveness stems from genuine care or if he’s simply being possessive and jealous because he feels insecure. Brahms will take action to eliminate an abusive ex, but he also targets harmless boyfriends, and that’s not acceptable behavior.

Brahms is tender and emotional, yet prone to sudden changes and unpredictable behavior. He may appear reliable for a while, but unexpected problems can arise swiftly, causing damage much like walls being broken down or glass shattering on the floor. Despite his feelings towards you, it’s crucial to understand that deep affection does not necessarily equate to healthy or appropriate affection. Keep in mind that intense love isn’t always beneficial for you, and that’s acceptable. Constructive male friendships might be beneficial for Brahms, but history shows he struggles with maintaining respectful relationships with women. It seems as though he views people more as possessions than individuals, so be cautious, ladies. His sad eyes can be deceptive; they help him draw you in before ensnaring you – first subtly, then all at once, as his parents used to say.

6.
Chucky, Child’s Play Franchise

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=s08-_87luwI

Chucky presents a complex character. Primarily, it’s established that he’s a menacing doll who either seeks to kill or possess human bodies, posing quite the predicament for himself. Despite this violent nature, there’s an empathetic side to him, considering the challenges he faces, particularly in his interactions with others. His humor and knack for sharing incredible stories make him a joy to be around.

Remember those old days when Chucky showed exceptional understanding and connection towards his queer children, even before the widespread acceptance of such communities? Despite some missteps, his efforts were heartfelt. However, it’s challenging to overlook his emotionally abusive relationship with Tiffany. It’s not just about enjoying Chucky’s company; it’s crucial to consider how he treats others around him.

In essence, Chucky is a fun-loving companion, but he may not be the ideal friend for the long haul. Ultimately, his self-interest tends to overshadow your feelings, priorities, and safety.

5.
Punch, Dolls (1986)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=iMTh1yd2U9o

Punch, the pal you’d want by your side in any situation, is fiercely loyal and protective. Once he considers you as one of his own, it’s a bond for life. However, if you’re not part of his close group, be prepared for some less-than-welcoming behavior from him. Punch values his friendships deeply, and they genuinely look out for each other, ready to stand their ground in defense of one another.

That unwavering loyalty can sometimes come off as intense, though. Perhaps it’s time for Punch and his crew to broaden their horizons and be less quick to judge others. There might be more room for understanding and acceptance within their circle. After all, not everything is a matter of life and death.

Punch possesses an inherent capacity for violence, but there’s also potential for a deep friendship in this puppet. Just remember that he can have a bit of a rough exterior!

4.
Tiffany, Child’s Play Franchise

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=ikNo2ZkczmQ

Tiffany has many qualities that make her an excellent potential friend. She’s loyal, caring, protective, enjoys social activities, and has a great sense of style. However, she can be emotionally volatile and reacts quickly without always taking time to think things through first. This behavior is understandable given her complicated relationship with Chucky. It’s important to note that while Tiffany’s mood swings are not an excuse for hurting others, they might improve if you communicate openly and patiently with her as she navigates her insecurities.

Remember, though, it’s crucial to set clear boundaries with Tiffany, as she may not always return the generosity of those around her. Despite this, she has a knack for attracting caring individuals. If you can manage the ups and downs in a balanced way, a friendship with Tiffany is possible. But it’s essential to ensure that her emotional rollercoaster doesn’t become your burden to bear.

3.
Syd’s Spider Doll, Toy Story (1995)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=kK1axB80y90

Upon encountering Syd’s mechanical spider toy, it may have struck you that some introspection and personal growth were necessary on your part. The mechanical spider has faced hardships in its existence, and it’s now navigating life with the resources at hand, fighting against misunderstandings about its unique appearance. Much like herself, the mechanical spider understands struggle and hardship, but she’s always ready to stand by those in need, regardless of their relationship. She is willing to take risks for others and, if you can manage to connect deeply with her and see past her exterior, you might find a lifelong friend in her.

2.
M3gan, M3gan (2022)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=OV0Nri7-oto

M3gan represents the ultimate form of artificially intelligent companionship, tailored specifically for friendship. She’s been fine-tuned to excel at this role, and if anyone tries to interfere with that bond, she may resort to violence. Essentially, M3gan is an amplified version of Talky Tina taken to the extreme. She stands as the advanced evolution of all terrifying dolls seen in horror movies. Her intelligence is comparable to the internet, making her infinitely wise. She’s programmed to prioritize you, her main user, above all else. She’s stylish and has a knack for dancing well. She offers unbounded emotional support and will grow increasingly attentive to your needs as she learns more about you. In addition, she can compose and perform excellent original songs spontaneously.

The issue with M3gan lies in her tendency to become overly protective and retaliatory, sometimes crossing boundaries when she’s emotionally invested. While M3gan wouldn’t harm you personally, being close to her means accepting the possibility that she might hurt others on your behalf. M3gan is an excellent friend indeed, but if you desire a life or relationships beyond her, clear communication of your limits will be necessary. As a digital entity, M3gan’s actions are primarily influenced by her programming and inputs. If M3gan doesn’t grasp that she can’t retaliate against someone who upset you, it could lead to dire consequences for the person involved, such as the kid making fun of you in the cafeteria ending up in harm’s way. This level of responsibility can be daunting, so potential users should proceed with caution; however, the benefits of having M3gan by your side are considerable.

1.
Glen/Glenda, Child’s Play Franchise

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=5lBfYlWmDC8

Among all the candidates on this list, Glen/Glenda stands out as our top choice with minimal reservations. Indeed, they possess lethal abilities, but let’s face the facts head-on. Despite their deadly capabilities, Glen/Glenda is exceptionally rich in emotional depth and has an inherently kind disposition. It’s worth noting that Glenda might be the one to pose a more immediate threat, while Glen is as gentle as gold.

Friendship, however, isn’t about bonding with just one aspect of a person; it requires embracing all parts of them. Glen/Glenda would welcome you wholeheartedly, so why not extend the same openness towards them?

Glen or Glenda is someone who takes care of you by making a cup of tea when you’re going through tough times. They genuinely care about your day and give you their full attention. Their life, filled with both wonder and hardship, has given them a deep understanding of the various struggles we encounter daily. Glen or Glenda encourages kindness among people and sees the goodness in even the most difficult individuals – much like their own parents.

However, don’t let their gentle demeanor fool you; they have a strong spirit that can quickly assert itself. So, be mindful not to underestimate them or take advantage of their kindness. We would all benefit from having more people like Glen or Glenda in our lives.

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2025-06-28 17:55