Does Anybody Want to Buy Richard Kind’s Couch?

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As a devoted movie enthusiast, I’d like to share some insights into Richard Kind, an extraordinary actor whose work has brought joy and laughter to my screen over the last eight months. From his memorable appearances on “Only Murders in the Building,” “Poker Face,” “Mid-Century Modern,” and “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney,” it’s safe to say that Richard Kind has left an indelible mark on my TV viewing experience. In this piece, we’ll delve into the captivating world of Richard Kind, thanks to the thoughtful and heartfelt questionnaire devised by none other than the hilarious Maria Bamford.

1.
What do you like to eat and/or drink right before bed?

A spoonful of peanut butter … [pauses] … or a handful of cereal.

2.
What would your religion be like if you could make up your own?

In my own words, I’ve developed a personal philosophy. This philosophy revolves around the idea of treating others as you would treat yourself, which serves as the foundation for all decisions. In essence, there is a higher power, but this entity doesn’t have a past; it simply is.

3.
If you had to be the face of a product, what would you choose?

Merrell footwear is exceptional. I’ve been thinking about a catchy slogan for them – how about, ‘I prefer my Merrells over going barefoot at night, it feels more comfortable!’ They truly are the top-notch shoes worldwide.

4.
What’s your most repetitive, long-term fear?

I have a fear of high places or heights. Even something as simple as a step ladder can make me feel uneasy. The mere thought of ladders sends shivers down my spine. However, when it comes to being in an aircraft, I am completely at ease.

5.
What just happened in your life?

Recently, I enjoyed breakfast with my dearly loved friend’s daughter and her new spouse. Although my dear friend tragically passed away from a brain tumor a couple of years back, his daughter holds a special place in my heart. She is an admirable woman who dedicates her time to human rights and immigration law. Currently residing in Washington, D.C., her husband—who I had the pleasure of meeting for the first time—is an exceptional individual. This reunion caused me to run a bit behind on our scheduled time.

6.
What is the last thing you read — labels, Us Weekly, and texts count. Can you give us the gist of what you learned?

At the eatery named Granola Bar, located on 87th and Amsterdam, I perused their menu. This menu is remarkable for breakfast, yet I’ve not had the chance to visit during lunch or dinner hours.

7.
What is the last thing you bought used?

Allow me a moment, as I only purchase pre-owned items. [Pauses] The costly sofa I acquired seemed incredibly affordable. You wouldn’t believe it, but it was worth $16,000! It’s truly magnificent, but I got that and another piece of furniture for just $1,000. I’ll find out the type of couch it is for you. [Pauses to check his phone] I can’t recall its name exactly, but it’s a fantastic sofa; I don’t want it myself. Instead, I’m on the hunt for an L-shaped sectional. So if anyone is interested in buying it…

8.
Who was the most difficult person to listen to (for you) recently?

In all honesty, it seems like an old saying, but I can’t stand listening to Donald Trump speak anymore. It’s deteriorated over the years, becoming increasingly sluggish and uninteresting. While researching for John Mulaney’s show, I came across Gene Simmons’ speech style, and decided to revisit “The Apprentice” to see him on it. I hadn’t watched “The Apprentice” when it was originally aired. When I saw Donald Trump on that show, I thought he was excellent. He was energetic, quick-witted, and had a knack for language. I found him highly entertaining. However, the person he has transformed into now is a slow, monotone speaker who chooses his words carelessly, and his speech is downright disgraceful. In contrast, on “The Apprentice,” he was lively and engaging, almost exhilarating. This was a new experience for me at the time, but now I can’t bear to listen to him.

New paragraph.

What he discusses comes across as shameful, unenlightened, and lackluster, not just in terms of his political views. It’s the very fact that he represents what he does and calls himself a leader that is appalling. And let me clarify that everything I have stated has no connection to his politics. In fact, his political beliefs are abhorrent to me.

9.
What place will you never return to?

My mother’s uterus. Only because she’s dead.

10.
If you were without a home or ability to earn, do you have anyone you can turn to for shelter and financial support? For how long?

As for me, there’s an abundance of companions whom I can lean on and rely upon whenever necessary, making me feel incredibly fortunate, almost as if I am the most fortunate individual in this world.

11.
What TV show or movie would you want to play a part in, and what part would it be?

In my heart of hearts, I yearn to bring the character of Roy Cohn to life on stage, in the profound play titled “Angels in America“. The talented writer, Tony Kushner, knows all too well about this dream of mine, as it’s not just a TV show or movie role that I seek.

12.
What’s something you’d like to quit — a substance, a habit, etc. — and how would you go about it?

I’d like to break free from my compulsion to constantly eat whatever’s available and instead learn to say “I’m satisfied, I’ve had enough, I don’t need to eat any more.” This behavior isn’t driven by hunger but rather anxiety or ADD. I find myself mindlessly picking at food even when I’m full. It’s an unhealthy habit. To improve, I plan to remind myself that self-control is crucial, that I am capable of overcoming this, and to always question, “Do I truly want it?

13.
If you could take a brain ride in anyone’s consciousness, whose would it be?

I really would love to know Andy Kaufman.

14.
What is something you regret doing within the past week? (Besides agreeing to answer this questionnaire.)

I find it hard to refuse invitations for coffee or meals, even when my schedule is already packed, because I don’t want to disappoint people. Consequently, I overbook myself and end up stretched too thin, unable to decline any of the requests.

15.
What are you jealous of in a family member?

I yearn for the vitality of my offspring’s age, yet I don’t wish to return to that time right now. Instead, if given a choice, I would prefer to be 27 or even 32 years old once more.

16.
How many colors has your hair been?

Actually, I color my sideburns, but the rest of my hair has always been this shade. However, I do dye my sideburns as they naturally turn a very silver gray, and when I dye them, it gives a more appealing look, making me seem younger in my opinion. But truthfully, I find it quite startling how gray they are. Yet, all the rest of my hair remains black.

17.
If you had to move anywhere outside the U.S., where would you go?

Italy. Florence.

18.
What’s the best thing you’ve ever learned from someone you don’t like?

Indeed, it’s quite challenging for me, as I tend to find positives in most people I encounter. [Pauses thoughtfully] Yet, I was taught the importance of setting boundaries by someone special, but somehow, I haven’t fully integrated that lesson into my actions. I know how to refuse, but I often choose not to.

19.
What did you have for breakfast this morning, and is it your usual?

Yesterday, I dined at a restaurant with my friends and my son. Since I was planning to have lunch soon, I skipped breakfast. If I had eaten breakfast, I would have craved avocado toast – and two of them did order it. I absolutely adore avocado toast; it’s a shame how expensive it can be, but it’s definitely worth every penny.

20.
Describe something that was funny to you.

Anytime anybody falls à la America’s Funniest Home Videos makes me laugh.

21.
Describe something that is not funny to you.

It’s absolutely unacceptable to me when someone texts or drives under the influence, putting not only their own life at risk, but also endangering the lives of those they may collide with or harm. This behavior is so distressing that it gives me chills.

22.
Describe something that is beautiful to you.

A lot of happy people in a group.

23.
Describe something that is ugly to you.

A group of people having diarrhea and they can’t go to the bathroom.

24.
How much money do you think is “enough” for the whole rest of your life — that you wouldn’t need to work again?

A substantial sum of seven million dollars and a comfortable home – as I’m a parent, it’s not only about looking after myself, but also ensuring the well-being of my children.

25.
What do you think is your most likely cause of death?

Being very, very old and having my body fail.

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2025-06-20 20:55