Two Brutally Honest Kids’ Review of ‘Elio’

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I like being alone at the movies.

I might phrase it like this: You know how going to the movies is often seen as something best done with others – a date, friends, or a group outing? Well, here’s a secret: I occasionally enjoy going solo. It’s not because I don’t have people to go with, trust me, there are some right behind you. But the allure of a quiet, personal cinema experience is undeniable. No more endless messages about meeting up or choosing seats, no debates over snacks, and no need to share popcorn. It’s just you and the movie, and it’s a delightful, tranquil experience that I highly recommend you try some time.

An exception to this: Children’s films. Recently, I’ve grown to cherish my cinema outings with my 9-year-old and 7-year-old girls. The quality of the movies can vary, but the post-movie discussions, where we share thoughts on what we watched and how it affected us, are consistently rewarding.

In recent times, it’s been challenging to find decent family films at the cinema, so when the chance arises, I make sure to seize it. This week, I was given the chance to watch Pixar’s Elio, a movie about a solitary boy with a passion for space who eventually encounters aliens. After the screening, my children and I shared our thoughts over some smoothie bowls. We talked about our personal responses to the film, our favorite characters and scenes, whether we prefer 3D or 2D movies, and ways to cope with feelings of loneliness.

Dad: So did you like the movie?

Seven Year Old: Yeah.

Nine Year Old: I liked it.

Dad: What did you like about it?

Seven Year Old: It was funny and the characters’ voices were weird.

Dad: Who had a weird voice? Grigon? The dad?

Seven Year Old: No. Well, I kind of liked Grigon. He talked like “Rawr grahhh!”

Dad: Okay, so who was your favorite character?

Seven Year Old: I had a couple. Do you remember the guy who kept drinking the stuff?

Dad: [no idea who she’s talking about] Uhhh, maybe?

Seven Year Old: I liked him. I also liked the guy Elio first met on the alien planet.

Dad: The little computer?

Seven Year Old: Yeah, he was so cute.

Dad: [to Nine Year Old] What did you think?

Nine Year Old: Ehhhh, I didn’t really like it.

Dad: You didn’t?

Nine Year Old: I LOVED it! Ha ha, I got you!

Dad: [weary sigh]

Nine-Year-Old’s Suggestion: What I found a bit disappointing was that [Elio] mainly became friends with just one alien. It would have been great if he had a chance to make some more friendships.

Dad: How about the character, Glordon, the amicable alien resembling a slug from another world? I found him quite endearing.

Nine Year Old: So cool.

Dad: He cracked me up.

Seven Year Old: Do you know who else was really funny?

Dad: Who?

Seven Year Old: Um… um… [stares off into space for three seconds] You guess.

Dad: I don’t know. I thought Glordon was the funniest character.

A Seven-Year-Old’s Perspective: Yes, I found it cool how they portrayed him as a captive character, and I particularly enjoyed some of the lines he said, such as when Glordon exclaimed, “I’ve never been used as a bargaining chip before!” I also thought it was neat when he wrapped Elio up in that web.

Dad: Mmmhmm.

Seven Year Old: Oh, do you recall when he mentioned, “My mother spends a lot of her time engaged in the Blood Wars”? That made me chuckle.

Nine Year Old: I don’t get the “Blood Wars” thing.

Dad: It seems odd to me that this alien species can be so aggressive, frightening, and malicious, while Glordon appears to be kind-hearted and pleasant. Therefore, when Glordon mentions the Blood Wars, it comes across as quite unexpected and amusing.

Nine Year Old: Ohhhh…

Dad: Was there a message in the movie? What do you think it was about?

Seven Year Old: I think the lesson is —

Nine Year Old: — you can always find friends, even when you feel alone.

Dad: Nice.

Seven Year Old: And you’re not alone, even if you think you are.

Dad: Yeah. I like that a lot.

As a curious explorer, I’ve found that stepping out of my comfort zone and trying new experiences, like diving into a bowl of chocolate, can lead to delightful discoveries… or messy hands!

Dad: Oh boy.

Nine Year Old: It’s not my fault! The bananas fell! I had to pick them up.

Dad: Hey there! Seems like there’s some chocolate smeared on your schnoz. Oh wait, it looks more like it’s nestled up in there! I can’t imagine how you managed that. Here [offering a napkin], clean yourself up a bit. And just so you know, while experimenting with new things is cool, maybe avoid putting chocolate inside your nose next time.

As a seasoned movie-goer, I find myself reaching for additional tissues – or perhaps even a bar of soap – as the grime onscreen seems to rub off on me once again!

Dad: Hey there, what’s going on? I see you’re eating with your hands. Remember, we have spoons for a reason. It’s important to use them so we can keep this place clean and usable. Sigh… So, Elio, could you please use a spoon instead? Thanks.

Seven Year Old: I felt bad for Elio.

Dad: He’s kind of a sad character in the beginning. He’s very lonely.

Seven Year Old: Yeah.

Dad: Do you ever feel the way he does?

Seven Year Old: Yeah, sometimes.

Dad: Sometimes? I’m sorry to hear that. What makes you feel better when you feel that way?

At times, both my loved ones (family) and my companions (friends) lend a hand. They remind me that I’m never by myself.

A Nine-Year-Old Might Say: When I feel lonely, I tell myself I’m powerful, courageous, fantastic, and capable of making new friends.

Dad: Wow, I love that confidence. That’s a great way to think.

At the beginning of this school year: I found myself in a new situation where I didn’t recognize any faces. There were children I recognized, but we hadn’t built much friendship yet initially.

Dad: That’s kind of like going to an alien spaceship to try to make friends.

Nine Year Old: Not really, Dad.

Dad: Oh, sorry.

Dad: The movie was also in 3D. Have you ever seen a 3D movie before?

Seven Year Old: Yeah.

Dad: You did? What was it?

Seven Year Old: The ice thing.

Dad: The ice thing…?

Nine Year Old: With the shaking stuff.

Dad: Indeed, you witnessed it. That event is known as “The Ice Age”. We watched it at the aquarium in a 4D movie called “No Time for Nuts 4D”.

Nine Year Old: We also saw The Polar Express in 3D.

Dad: You’re right. That might have been at the same aquarium.

Seven Year Old: I liked The Polar Express more because it felt real.

Nine Year Old: Yeah, you felt the cold and it snowed in the theater.

Dad: That movie was extraordinary, not just your typical 3D experience, but they added additional effects in the theater as well. Elio found it to be 3D only. And it ran for a full 100 minutes. What were your thoughts on that?

Or

Dad: That movie was more than just a regular 3D experience; they added additional effects in the theater as well. Elio experienced it as standard 3D only. It ran for a full 100 minutes. What did you think of that?

Seven Year Old: Really good.

A Nine-Year-Old Explains: The main issue was that if you ate popcorn, it was likely that the 3D glasses would end up smudged with butter.

Dad: Are you telling me you got butter on your glasses?

Nine Year Old: Possibly.

Dad: So it’s hard to eat popcorn during a 3D movie?

Nine Year Old: Possibly.

Dad: You don’t want to admit that’s what happened to you?

Nine Year Old: Possibly.

As a cinephile, I pondered over whether the 3D enhanced the overall cinematic journey. Was it truly worthwhile compared to the 2D version?

Nine Year Old: It made it better. It looked more real.

A Seven-Year-Old Said: I enjoyed the trailer because it didn’t reveal too much. All it showed was a boy encountering an alien, but it didn’t discuss anything about the world or other specific details (such as [redacted spoilers by editor/father]).

Dad: It seems you understood that the trailer didn’t give away the plot of the movie. Now, I’m curious as to how you understand the concept of spoilers. In fact, even your sister has discussed spoilers with me not long ago.

Seven Year Old: Um, I think we went to the Alamo Drafthouse and … I don’t know.

The term is familiar, Dad. You might use it too. For instance, when we are in school, if someone has already read a book that others are yet to, the teacher may tell us not to reveal the plot to everyone else.

Dad: Ah hah.

In my class, an event similar to what occurred with Matilda took place. At the moment, we’re viewing the film in our classroom, not the stage adaptation.

Dad: I see. Were there any parts of Elio you didn’t like?

Nine Year Old: I liked a lot of it, actually. [thinks] There weren’t enough jump scares.

Dad: In Elio?

A Nine-Year-Old Said: There was just one brief moment of surprise, like a small jump scare. Perhaps another one too, but not many.

Dad: So you like when a movie gets scary? I’m a little surprised to hear that.

Nine Year Old: I’m not fond of frightening films, and this one didn’t quite scare me. The antagonist didn’t appear very threatening. He was cruel, yes, but… (implies that the antagonist lacked the necessary characteristics to instill fear)

Seven Year Old: I have a favorite part.

Dad: Go ahead.

Seven-Year-Old: I truly enjoyed it when Elio tickled Gordon, and the father found that sound to be quite unpleasant.

The seven-year-old kid really appreciated it whenever Elio tickled Gordon, but the dad found the resulting sound very distasteful.

Dad: Oh yeah, solid joke. What did you think of the dad character?

Seven Year Old: The bad guy?

Dad: Was he so bad? Maybe the dad was misunderstood. Did you ever think about that?

Nine Year Old: Oh yeah.

Dad: Maybe dads love their kids so much it makes them do crazy things some times.

Nine Year Old: I’m sure when I’m a teenager I’ll think my parents are crazy.

Dad: Maybe dads area really the heroes. In every story.

Nine Year Old: The moms are out there fighting the Blood Wars!

Dad: Okay, good point. Moms are heroes too.

Nine Year Old: While Mom is engaged in the Blood Wars, Dad seems to be relaxing and looking after me instead.

Dad: Caring for a child can be quite challenging. Similarly, Glordon found it difficult to open up to his father and share personal aspects of himself and his feelings. Do you ever feel apprehensive about sharing such information with me?

Seven Year Old: No.

Dad: That’s good.

At my age, if someone was donning massive armor, brandishing a laser from their limb, and consistently barking orders, I’d certainly find it intimidating.

Dad: That’s fair.

Dad: Was this better than How to Train Your Dragon?

Nine Year Old: How to Train Your Dragon was better.

Dad: Really! Why?

A nine-year-old observed that there were more female characters in the movie “How to Train Your Dragon,” although the number was not overwhelming, it still featured a very powerful and well-developed female character.

Dad: Elio had Elio’s aunt. She was good.

Nine Year Old: Eh. I guess she did help out a little.

Dad: I saw that your eyes got a bit misty during the film. Was it making you feel sad?

Nine Year Old: [nods]

Dad: It’s okay to feel sad. I was getting teary-eyed too.

A Nine Year Old Said: I felt tears coming up since the room was very dark, the screen was extremely bright, and my glasses had some smears on them.

As a film lover, I get it if you’re not feeling it right now, but there’s something about shedding tears in the cinema that feels strangely satisfying. It’s like a release, a way to let things out that we often keep bottled up inside. And yes, there’s a term for that: “Cathartic.

Seven-Year-Old: I’ve been pondering over what emotions might arise within me, were my friend to find themselves stranded in another realm…

As a follower: Have you ever wondered how it might feel in that situation? I honestly think it’d be tough. It’s fascinating though, to connect with a movie character, to put yourself in their shoes and reflect on your own experiences. That ability to empathize is something truly unique and special.

Dad: If they made an Elio ride at Disneyland, what should it be?

Nine Year Old: Oh my gosh, I would ride it.

Dad: What would it be?

Nine Year Old: Maybe a roller coaster that’s like flying in a spaceship?

Seven Year Old: It’s like Space Mountain, but with pauses, aliens popping up here and there, making you exclaim “Wow!”, followed by sections where the rockets kick in, and then the ride yells “BOOSTERS!” before speeding up really quickly.

Dad: It was Pixar, a well-known studio, who created Elio. They’ve produced many films you enjoy. For instance, they brought us Toy Story, A Bug’s Life, and the latest one, Turning Red…

Nine Year Old: Did they make How to Train Your Dragon?

Dad: No.

Seven Year Old: Did they make Elio?

Dad: Yes, that’s why I’m mentioning them. Cars, they also made the Cars movies.

Nine Year Old: Whoever there makes these movies has a talent.

Dad: Finding Nemo, they made that one.

Nine Year Old: That one is so good.

Dad: The Incredibles, Ratatouille.

Seven Year Old: Ratatouille! [tugs on her hair]

Dad: I think the one we’ve watched the most at home is Turning Red.

Nine Year Old: Turning Red’s a really good movie.

Seven Year Old: It scares me.

Dad: It does? Why?

Seven Year Old: The mom yells! She turns into a big red panda!

Dad: Is Turning Red scarier than Elio?

Seven Year Old: Yes.

Nine Year Old: Imagine if your mom turned into a giant monster and destroyed a concert.

Dad: I guess that would be kind of scary.

Dad: How would you react if I informed you that I intended to abandon Earth and reside among extraterrestrials instead?

Nine Year Old: I’d be like “Dad, just cut it out.”

Seven Year Old: [jaw drops on the floor]

Dad: You’d just make that face?

Seven Year Old: Then I would pull you back down to Earth.

Dad: And if at some point I got to pilot a spaceship, how do you think that would go?

Nine Year Old: You would crash us into nothingness.

Dad: What if I was chosen to be the one person on Earth to negotiate with Grigon?

Nine Year Old: That you could do.

Seven Year Old: You could ask him if he was a father too, and he’d be like “Yes!”

Dad: What you say makes sense. It’s possible we could connect better. Perhaps Grigon and I might become friends. We could even enjoy a game of pickleball together.

Seven Year Old: That would be funny.

Dad: I’d love a sequel focusing on Grigon and fellow spacefaring fathers, grumbling about their children who often ignore them and occasionally stick chocolates in their nostrils.

Nine Year Old: [shoots Dad a withering look]

Dad: Let me clarify, I’m just pointing out that Grigon is quite remarkable. Suppose there were a sequel to Elio, would you be interested in watching it?

Nine Year Old: Of course I would.

The 20 Worst Movies of the Last 20 Years (2005-2024)

20. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

15 years after the initial “Street Fighter” movie featuring Jean-Claude Van Damme, there was essentially a remake. Contrary to its title, it lacked legends and minimal street fighting. However, it did feature Chris Klein delivering one of the most atrocious performances in cinema history as Charlie Nash. He shows no resemblance to the “Street Fighter” character of the same name, instead displaying excessive preening, mugging, and snarling for the camera. It is a spectacle truly worth seeing.

19. The Happytime Murders (2018)

In the off-color, adult-oriented puppet comedy “The Happytime Murders,” directed by Brian Henson, the humor primarily revolves around the idea of incorporating puppets into an edgy setting filled with suggestive jokes. The film is most notably recognized for scenes such as Melissa McCarthy biting a puppet’s private area and Joel McHale mimicking a famous scene from “Basic Instinct.” Despite the overall crudeness, it is Maya Rudolph who stands out as the shining star, delivering a clever rice pilaf joke that makes her a true comedy hero.

18. The Book of Henry (2017)

Colin Trevorrow’s follow-up to “Jurassic World” was “The Book of Henry,” a film that is both grandiose and puzzling, known for its unique blend of magical realism and troubling themes related to child abuse. This movie also serves as an allegory of Christ, portraying a powerful figure who sacrifices himself so that his troubled mother can murder a man and adopt her abused stepdaughter. Simultaneously, it delivers a cautionary tale about the perils of apathy, using a deceased child prodigy teaching his mother how to become a skilled assassin from beyond the grave as its vehicle for this message, taking this outlandish premise entirely seriously. (Please note that these events occur in “The Book of Henry,” I assure you.)

17. Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021)

In “Space Jam: A New Legacy,” Warner Bros. portrayed itself as a heartless entity dominated by an antagonistic algorithm in a brilliant, if ironic, cinematic self-criticism. Unfortunately, the movie was so weak and unfunny that it made the original “Space Jam” seem like a masterpiece such as “2001: A Space Odyssey.” While LeBron James isn’t a poor actor – he’s no worse in the lead than Michael Jordan was in the first film – almost everything else about “A New Legacy” is an all-around disappointment. It appears that the movie doesn’t grasp the charm of Looney Tunes, especially Bugs Bunny, who is turned into a grumbling complainer in this sequel. My suggestion: Instead, watch some classic “Looney Tunes Cartoons” on Max. Even a random short contains more laughs than this entire two-hour movie. Plus, the animation quality is superior.

16. Basic Instinct 2 (2006)

Sharon Stone’s unique skill of making mundane dialogues sound sensual borders on extraordinary. However, despite her exceptional talents, the film “Basic Instinct 2” fails to impress from start to finish. Stone (or perhaps overplays) her character in a way that consistently overshadows David Morrissey’s role, leaving his character lacking any semblance of being her equal. It remains unclear why she is drawn to him, unless she perceives him as an easy target and decides to toy with him for amusement, much like a praying mantis might with its prey.

In the movie, Stone’s character seems to be enjoying herself playing with her food, but Morrissey’s psychiatrist is so weak that there’s little thrill in her tormenting him because the outcome seems predictable. It’s as if watching the 1992 Dream Team compete against a local recreational team. Stone’s character is said to be addicted to risk, but she takes none when facing this mediocre opponent.

15. Dirty Grandpa (2016)

In a simpler and more conversational style:

The movie “Dirty Grandpa” follows a similar comedic approach as “The Happytime Murders”: If someone who seems pure or innocent (like grandpas) says something crude, it’s supposed to be funny. If you find the idea of Robert De Niro using words like “smegma” amusing, then this film is for you. However, if not, you might be left feeling let down. On a positive note, the title does accurately describe the content.

14. Marmaduke (2022)

As a devoted cinephile, let me express that if there’s an animated film less visually appealing than “Marmaduke,” I haven’t seen it. Frankly, I hope I never will. The movie appears to have been hastily produced, either as part of a money laundering scheme or one of those odd agreements where the production team is forced to create something by a certain deadline if they want to retain the rights to a project.

Surprisingly, “Marmaduke” boasts the vocal talents of several comedic heavyweights such as J.K. Simmons, David Koechner, and Pete Davidson. It’s hard to fathom how they could have overlooked the script or failed to notice the grotesque appearance of their characters. Were they offered a private island in exchange for their participation? The mystery remains unsolved. “Marmaduke” is nothing short of cinematic trash. I wouldn’t subject it to the kids on my school bus who once made up songs about my boogers, which, in retrospect, were more creatively conceived than anything in “Marmaduke.

13. Madame Web (2024)

The movie “Madame Web” appears reminiscent of the early Marvel Studios era, where films adapted from comic books seemed somewhat awkward about their superhero origins. This sentiment extends to Dakota Johnson, who portrays the title character, although it’s questionable whether she can truly be called a title character given that no one in the film refers to her as “Madame Web.” Instead, she is known as Cassie Webb. With only one minor exception, she doesn’t wear a superhero costume during the film either. It seems everyone involved feels a bit self-conscious about their roles. (Considering the circumstances, this response might not be unexpected.)

On the other hand, it’s so whimsical, peculiar, and occasionally hard to follow that “The Amazing Spider-Man” looks like “Spider-Man 2.” Watching it alongside Kevin Feige would undoubtedly make for an entertaining experience.

12. Meet the Spartans (2008)

Over the past 20 years, one of the saddest developments in cinema has been the rise of spoof films, largely due to the financial success of the Scary Movie franchise. Many of these supposed comedies were produced by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, who worked on the Scary Movie series. Their humor mainly consisted of repeating scenes from popular movies, particularly 300 in Meet the Spartans, but also including unrelated gags from Shrek, Spider-Man 3, and Happy Feet, featuring lookalikes and people being hit in the groin. If these films were ever funny (and they weren’t), most of their jokes were so specific to the late 2000s, with targets like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, that they now appear as outdated as an ancient Greek artifact. I cannot stress enough how crucial it is for you not to watch Meet the Spartans.

11. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

The wacky title gives a good hint about the film’s content. Is this a movie centered on X-Men, Wolverine, or his origin? Why not have all three at once! If director Gavin Hood had chosen to focus on a single theme, he might have created a decent film. However, this movie was destined for mediocrity when it was designed as a blend of several different X-Men and Wolverine stories. Hugh Jackman’s character, Logan, growls, “We didn’t sign up for this,” in X-Men Origins, a line that also serves as a critique of the movie itself. Other lines with similar implications include “We’ve done enough!”, “You look like a man about to do something terrible”, and my personal favorite, “Wake me when it’s over.

10. Daddy Day Camp (2007)

It appears as if no one associated with “Daddy Day Care” was keen to continue with this off-course sequel. The original cast members Eddie Murphy, Jeff Garlin, Steve Zahn, and Regina King were replaced by Cuba Gooding Jr., Paul Rae, Josh McLerran, and Tamala Jones. Even the director Steve Carr was absent.

The first movie revolved around Murphy and Garlin learning to manage a day care center. In the sequel, they shift their focus to running a camp, which, given their improved childcare abilities, should have been a sure success. However, being a sequel, everything goes awry once more, as does the film itself.

9. Elektra (2005)

In the years leading up to the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s debut, Marvel enthusiasts experienced a rather dismal phase. Following the initial successes of the X-Men and Spider-Man franchises, studios became increasingly money-hungry, producing Marvel adaptations without the same level of attention or quality assurance as their predecessors.

The most notorious example from this period was Elektra, featuring Jennifer Garner reprising her role from Daredevil as an assassin who meticulously cleans her floorboards to eliminate any DNA evidence, yet shows such carelessness in her line of work that she socializes with her curious new neighbors during assignments and fails to recognize that they are actually her targets.

Revived after dying in Daredevil, Elektra gained the power to predict the future and even rewind time when needed, essentially making her an immortal deity. Given these godlike abilities, it’s only natural that she would spend her time leaping around to stab ninjas – just as you might expect someone with time-travel capabilities to do, wouldn’t you?

8. Norbit (2007)

Audiences often appreciate Eddie Murphy’s ability to portray multiple characters in one film using intricate makeup, even when the movie receives negative criticism from critics. For instance, the 2007 film Norbit, despite being panned by reviewers, managed to gross nearly $160 million worldwide with a budget of only $60 million.

However, this doesn’t make it a good movie. In this case, Murphy’s talent for physical transformation (with Rick Baker’s exceptional makeup effects) is utilized in a story that is filled with anger. The plot revolves around a meek man who marries a domineering woman, both portrayed by Murphy, who treats her husband more like an abused servant than a partner. Murphy’s performance as the vindictive, violent Rasputia is technically impressive but also presents a harsh caricature of a shrew, with numerous jokes centered around her weight. To add to this, Murphy plays Mr. Wong, a gruff Chinese man who runs an orphanage and speaks in a stereotypical accent. Overall, the movie is quite disheartening.

7. The Emoji Movie (2017)

There’s potential for an interesting movie about smartphone culture and emojis, but it would need a script with sharper wit and a more critical edge than what was shown in the film “The Emoji Movie”. While the film does convey a somewhat positive message of accepting differences, it’s largely disappointing. It seems to be a typical product of a technology company that profits from selling millions of smartphones each year – an overt advertisement disguised as entertainment, implying that owning a cell phone will make you popular and attractive to the opposite sex. Not exactly appealing.

An intriguing concept for a movie about smartphone culture and emojis can be imagined, but it would necessitate a script with more biting satire and edge than “The Emoji Movie” offered. Although the movie delivers a somewhat positive message of embracing differences, it’s generally underwhelming. It appears to be a typical offering from a technology company that earns its wealth by selling millions of smartphones every year – an ad masquerading as entertainment, suggesting that owning a cell phone will make you popular and attractive to the opposite sex. Not very appealing.

6. Artemis Fowl (2020)

Initially, during the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic around 65 years ago (a typo seems to be present), Disney postponed all its 2020 blockbuster films, with the exception of “Artemis Fowl,” which they released directly on Disney+. In retrospect, this was a warning sign. The film adaptation of this popular young adult book series squeezes approximately ten novels’ worth of content into just 90 minutes, resulting in confusion and near-unwatchable scenes. (If you can decipher how Josh Gad’s character shifted from burglarizing Artemis Fowl’s home to teaming up with him to thwart a different character without any dialogue exchanged between the two, you are more intelligent than me.) It is remarkable how this streaming movie manages to make viewers feel cheated even when they paid nothing beyond their existing subscription fee, but “Artemis Fowl” has achieved just that.

5. Son of the Mask (2005)

As a cinephile, I can confidently say that there’s hardly any film more dismal than a sequel to a Jim Carrey movie, especially when Jim himself is absent. The allure of the original “Mask” lay in the enigmatic mask, which served as a vessel for Carrey to express his raw, uninhibited self, combined with his extraordinary talent for impressions and voices. In “Son of the Mask,” Jamie Kennedy’s character scarcely dons the mask (his dog wears it far more frequently, oddly enough), and when he does, he moves as stiffly as a plank – a stark contrast to Carrey’s lively portrayal of The Mask. It seems they even swapped in another actor’s voice to emulate the original character.

The second act takes an unexpected turn, delving into Kennedy’s dog becoming envious of a new baby in the family. In an implausible twist, the dog dons the mask with the intention of harming the baby. Yes, you read that correctly: The plot revolves around a jealous dog! Fear not, the baby is safe; he was born with mask powers. Believe me, nothing can truly prepare you for the spectacle of this grotesque CGI baby urinating and vomiting on Jamie Kennedy. This film should have been discarded like the mask at the end of “The Mask.

4. Alone in the Dark (2005)

Uwe Boll gained a notorious reputation during the decade for producing numerous video game adaptations with the help of a German tax loophole that ensured financial success. If you visualize the characters from Mel Brooks’ “The Producers” as gamers, you might grasp the situation.

In one of Boll’s disastrous films from the 2000s, Tara Reid plays a brilliant archaeologist alongside Christian Slater as a detective who explores supernatural events. Unfortunately, I can’t provide further details because the movie is so confusing, even the opening title crawl that lasts for over 90 seconds adds to the confusion, making “Alone in the Dark” seem less bewildering than it already was without it. Intriguingly, “Alone in the Dark” ranked last on our list of every video game movie ever made, so its absence from the bottom of this list is remarkable.

3. Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)

The low-budget horror film, inspired by the public domain classic A.A. Milne book and known for its controversial nature, fails to deliver as either a slasher or a satire of children’s literature. Surprisingly, it succeeds in one aspect – making a strong case, albeit unintentionally, against the idea of a public domain. If copyright protection shields us from productions like this one, perhaps it isn’t so bad after all. In essence, “Blood and Honey” is an appalling mess.

2. Dolittle (2020)

In the style of Tim Burton’s Batman, where a back-alley doctor inadvertently transforms Jack Napier into the Joker with his botched facial reconstruction, Dolittle feels like it was pieced together haphazardly from random scenes that originally had a distinctly different look. Initially intended to be more serious, it became a chaotic movie Frankenstein, filled with toilet humor, animal puns, questionable CGI, and Robert Downey Jr.’s exaggerated performance that makes Captain Jack Sparrow seem shy by comparison.

1. Disaster Movie (2008)

In the title “Disaster Movie,” neither word truly represents the content. The films that writer/directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer categorize as “disaster” include “10,000 B.C., Hancock, Jumper, Enchanted, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Beowulf,” and “The Love Guru.” This production only meets the criteria for a “movie” in the loosest sense of the term. It contains barely two characters, a flimsy storyline, and relies on an endless series of atrocious celebrity impressions to identify who’s on screen. (“Is that Amy Winehouse?”)

This movie is undeniably one of the saddest examples of filmmaking I have ever witnessed. By the time a character was engaged in combat with a subpar Kung Fu Panda suit-wearing stuntman, my emotions had progressed from anger to genuine sympathy — for those who took part in it, but particularly for anyone foolish enough to pay for the experience.

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2025-06-20 16:04